Thursday, 16 October 2008

Soap Opera


We are being thrifty in the Millennium Housewife household, showing willing during the credit crunch and saving all we can. You never know, reuse enough tea bags and we may just make our mortgage payment this month. My Mother has been over daily with useful titbits and tips which has been exciting as you can imagine. Today she breezed in with her Jute Bag slung over her wrist and briskly ran a finger over the hall shelf. Dust dear she said, screwing her lips into that I've Eaten A Water Buffalo And I don't Much Like Your Foreign Muck look that only she can do. I was well aware of course that there was dust on the hall shelf, I've been cultivating it nicely, it's almost done now and is ready to create life of its own. Success. Anyway, My Mother put her hand into her Jute Bag (have you got a Jute Bag dear? Very useful you know, organic, whatever that means, Shirley-the-competition still uses plastic, I mean, plastic! in this day and age. Chuh!) You have to be very afraid when My Mother puts her hand into her Jute Bag, you never know what's coming and it's usually something hideous that she thinks will suit you because you're young/save you money/decorate your house in a style becoming to an eighty year old. Last week she pulled out a big, white, plastic toilet roll holder to hide your toilet rolls in the bathroom. It took a lot of tea and most of the biscuit selection to convince her that four toilet rolls stacked up in the bathroom looked more attractive than the box.
So, she put her hand into her Jute Bag and pulled out a see through plastic container with a cloth inside. This, she announced with an I've Practised In The Car flourish, is an e-cloth. One wipe and you're done dear, and not just those easy-to-reach dust areas, oh no, wet it and presto it cleans your bathroom too. Marvellous! But that's not all, oh no (here she winked at me, she'd obviously been at the Kleeneeze again), the best bit about it (she paused building the suspense/boredom) is that you need no soap! No soap whatsoever, she added, unsure that her announcement had created just the right amount of excitement. Think about it darling, she urged, you'll save thousands!
Thousands? Sorry, did I hear that right?If I think back really carefully, in minute detail, all the way back to my birth, I can honestly say that added up over the years I have never spent thousands on cleaning products. Any cleaning products, not just those that could reasonably be called soap. Really the annual saving would be about £8.92, and if the e-cloth is £22 it will take approximately two and a half years to start paying for itself, by which time it will have become raggedy and need replacing (by this time with inflation it will be selling for around £178.34). It would just be better I suppose to sack the cleaner, thereby saving £22 a week (I could easily furnish a weekly e-cloth habit with that) and do the cleaning myself. Ah, right, talked myself into a bit of a corner here haven't I? Look, let's forget the whole sack-the-cleaner fiasco shall we and go back to what a ridiculous product the e-cloth is. Ridiculous is what I say, la la la la la.
I took the e-cloth in its plastic container nervously from My Mother (once you take anything you're as good as saying, you're right Mother Dearest, and I shall be using the e-cloth/portapotty/special pastry lifter/Kleeneeze special gift daily, hurrah), and looked at it. E-cloth? I could do that! All I'd need to do is buy a pack of a hundred regular cloths from Asda for 24p, package one in a very environmentally unfriendly plastic box, cover said box with words such as eco/save/rainforest/fool/money/parted, hang it on the end of the supermarket aisle in the impulse buy zone and watch them flock. Simple, £22 handed over, cleaner paid for. La la la la la.




32 comments:

Guineapigmum said...

I was eyeing up one of those e cloths only the other day. I think it was (my eyeing, that is) realted to having been sacked by our cleaner a couple of months ago. Anything that could magic dirt away with minimum effort from myself would seem to be A Good Thing.

But no, I didn't succumb. I've got a bag full of old t shirts int he cupboard which do just as well.

rosiero said...

I think those Kleeneeze catalogues are full of useless "useful things" which we feel we ought to have but are really completely..... well, useless. Do you have a cellar with a trap door? Maybe you could just oik your mum's contributions through the trap door, never to find them again. Then again, maybe you could oik your mum down there for a while?

Nota Bene said...

I like your mum, I've always liked your mum; she is clearly a wise lady. I was introduced to e-cloths a couple of years ago by a now ex-girlfriend (no, she wasn't consigned to the basement because she didn't make a contribution to my health and happiness). And it is true to say they are a wonder saving me hours, nay weeks and months in cleaning time. Not forgetting the benefit to my wallet(I've never actually bought one, just been given) and I'm sure that it's good for the environment too. So you must give it a whirl. But I'm sorry I can't lend you my Kleeneeze catalogue 'cos I'm writing my Chrostmas list.

Lindsay said...

I have several e-cloths and they are marvellous! Window cleaning - no smudges - just a quick wipe - in fact just a quick wipe anywhere!! They are really good and quite cheap - they last forever.

Adventure Mother said...

I too beg to differ on the ecloth debate. I bought one on 10% off day and although sceptical, I was quickly impressed as to how well it cleans with zero chemicals!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Kleeneze, however did we cope without it huh? My particular favourite is the Extenda Brush thingy, ideal for "cleaning windows or any high, hard to reach areas".

Yes, okay. Twenty five quid later and the only thing it's good for is propping up the ivy in the garden. Y'see, what happened is, I over-extended it one day, lost control of it and lost the top half of it in Marjorie Stewart's garden. Her half is used to prop up her washing line.

Potty Mummy said...

But how do you clean the e-cloth? Do you have to buy another e-cloth? And another e-cloth to clean that one? Oh, the implications are endless...

And a question for Nunhead Mum: What were you doing using your extendable oojamaflip to reach into Marj's garden in the first place?

Jolly Good Yarn Girl said...

yes, yes I know this mother thing. I would put my entire mother in Room 101 if at all possible.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Potty.....I wasn't! I had extended the thingamajig to clean Mac's bedroom window, it overbalanced and sheared itself neatly in half before falling effortlessly into her patio plants. It was a good few weeks before I owned up by which time she'd put it to good use!

virtualquilter said...

Boy! if I spend that much money on a cleaning cloth some one might expect me to use it! And probably every month at that!

Wife in Hong Kong said...

Priceless! Keep the cleaner and forget the e-cloth. I speak from the heart....
Think what you're doing for the unemployment figures. And anyway, we would all prefer you to
e-ntertain us e-lectronically than to clean your own house with an e-cloth.

Virtual Voyage said...

rofl - good to see you on mine.
Just doing an early morning blog and will be back...

nappy valley girl said...

I have never heard of e-cloths and I am sure neither has my lovely cleaner. What does this say about the state of my house I wonder?

Mud in the City said...

I tend to use ancient knickers once they're past ever wearing.

But maybe that's something you can only do when you live on your own.

Millennium Housewife said...

Welll, okaay, I didn't mean to start a forum on the virtues of e-cloth, just to write a blog to make you all laugh...Better go and try it out, see what all the fuss is about!

GPM, I'm not sure I agree after reading all these messages extolling the virtues of e-cloth..

Rosiero, LOL!

NB, My Mother has put you on her christmas card list, expect a visit sometime soon.

Lindsay, I swear I will try it out today, you too AM

Nunhead, I expected nothing less

PM, Nunhead sure is strange.

Yarnie, there with you...

VQ, and you...

NVG, if you do get one don't blog about it, it's got quite a fan club

Mud, I would too but Husband won't hand them over

lisaschaos said...

Too funny! I had never heard of the e-cloth. Sounds good but I know me, I'd still need cleaner. :) Moms!

Suburbia said...

Laughed until my socks flew off!!I could picture every moment. My mum does a similar thing but is also forgetful so sometimes you get duplicates!! You've got to love them though haven't you??!

Guineapigmum said...

Goodness, I've just read the comments. It looks like I'll have to go and buy one of these e-thingys after all. And maybe then write a blog about it.

the mother of this lot said...

Where do I get an e-cloth? Will it even tackle the types of dirt irremovable by every other cleaning product known to man, such as that left by this lot?

Please send me a large batch immediately!

Maggie May said...

If you click on the save the children link on my blog, then you will get access to the pattern and yes......... the hats are dead easy to make! Go for it!

Ernest de Cugnac said...

well, you made me laugh, but then you always do. yr mum though is clearly a wise if slightly quirky woman. And you do have a good marketing idea. Go for it.

Do you think they make e-nappies?

Devoted said...

Thanks for your kind compliments on my blog. I loved that video and hopefully can find more for each Saturday. Truly love your blog.

Mom/Mum said...

sooo funny! keep the cleaner at all costs say I!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

You have a cleaner? Stuff the £22 e-cloth. I want a bloody cleaner.
But being a full time housewife/mum means I am not allowed.
How come you're allowed?

Millennium Housewife said...

Lisa, stick with a cleaner.

Sub, I do, really, she's great blog fodder.

GPM noooooooooooo......

Mother of this lot, I'm sending my Mother your address

Earnest, now you're talking 0 kerching!

Devoted, cool!


MM, definitely

Confused, I did the housework really really badly as soon as the children were born. It took 6 weeks, start now, you'll have your feet up by Christmas...

Ladybird World Mum said...

Husband's old pants. Works every time.

Dulwich Divorcee said...

Listen, this isn't fair, I don't get the Kleeneze catalogue ...where does it come from? And e-cloths definitely don't work, come off it you lot ...you need Cillit Bang, though go carefully with the pronunciation. Fab blog!

Tara said...

So what do A B C and D cloths do?

HER ON THE HILL said...

And there was I thinking this was something to do with cleaning your computer keyboard....Come to mention it, I read about this very natty little product the other day which is keyboard putty: squidge it into your keys, so to speak, and it comes out in a grid pattern caked with life-threatening bacteria. Nice. Then what do you do with it, I ask? A tad pricey if it's not re-useable, and who'd want to pummel the putty back into a death ball? Blu-tack would do just as well, anyhow. Or the kid's plastecine. Cheaper, if not smellier. You see, the Eco bit went WAY over my head...Pass me the vino.

HER ON THE HILL said...

Ps: Mud in the City - I trust they're clean ones, at least? Mmmm

Millennium Housewife said...

Ladybird, I like my furniture too much to risk it melting

DD, if only to try out that penny cleaning test

HOTH, pour me a glass too would you

david mcmahon said...

You do make me laugh. By the way, I'm over the moon to hear about your camera.

If ever you have any queries, leave your email addrss as a comment on my blog and then delete it immediately.

That way, I'll be able to contact you directly to answer any photo-related queries, but no one else will know your email details.