Monday, 30 March 2009

Things I Have said To my Sat Nav Today

  • Ah, let's see
  • Errr is this the right button?
  • OK I think that's it
  • Take me home you honey
  • I would have gone left there but hey ho
  • Are you sure?
  • Right?
  • I think it's left
  • Right I'm going left
  • Yes yes yes you recalculate away my dear
  • Still recalculating? Ah well
  • Please don't use that tone with me
  • I'm telling you it isn't straight on here
  • I don't care what you say it isn't straight on
  • I saw that look
  • I'm going right
  • You can recalculate as much as you like, it'll pass the time while I'm getting us home
  • Ssh please I'm trying to think
  • That's it I'm turning you off
  • Ahh much better
  • Err, hello again could you have a look at your map and see where we are?
  • Which way now?
  • Well you're the one with the map, you figure it out
  • If you'd just concentrate on where we're going rather than constantly pointing out where I'm going wrong you might get better results
  • You'll be starting on my driving next
  • Don't give me the silent treatment you know it drives me mad
  • Right, you sulk away while I try and get us out of here
  • Which way?
  • Stop sulking
  • Do you want to drive?
  • I said Do. You. Want. To. Drive?
  • Right that's it, you're driving
  • Hurry up I'm not standing here in the cold forever
  • Oh I see, too chicken
  • Perhaps I could have a bit of respect for the rest of the journey
  • Now which way?
  • Right you say? OK, but you'd better be right
  • Ah yes I see where we are now
  • Yes yes well done
  • But you are quite annoying
  • Well done for getting us home
  • Please stop talking now we're here
  • Yes I know we've reached our destination, I'm pretty good at recognising my own home
  • Now you're just rubbing it in


Mutter said...

Love it. Oh for someone to talk to who doesn't answer back. When even the sat nav talks back at you, what hope is there?

Anonymous said...

Very funny, but from all the tales I've heard, not to far from the truth.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Ah, how great to hear this! It's not just me then that argues with a sat nav. I swear mine tuts at me......

Nota Bene said...

I bet it has a female voice. Two women trying to navigate. Need I say more? If I say more, I'll just get myself into trouble. But not lost. :-)

Anonymous said...

Love it. Am giggling inanely at "please don't use that tone with me" :)

Tim Atkinson said...

You forgot 'shut up!'.

Mum Gone Mad said...

Lol, oh yes I talk to cash point machines you know, and they dont even talk to me (unless you count the beeps). Just wanted to pop in and say yes, I did move :)

and1moremeans5 said...

lol very funny! i also have mini conversations with mine which include:
-thanks alot for being slow
-shut up
-no i've not reached my destination because we are at a dead end!

amy x x

Maternal Tales said...

Have never had sat Nav but am desperate for one. Maybe a little less desperate after reading this....

Noble Savage said...

I'm about to get my first sat nav so I suspect I'll be having similar conversations soon.

Mamma Po said...

SO hilarious. I laughed out loud at this. You have brilliantly translated what we have all thought/said/done ourselves on countless occasions.

I got so infuriated by the bossy female prison officer voice on ours that I changed it to a smooth, Piers Brosnan-in-his-prime voice. Much better. Now we both purr along together....

Reasons said...

Excellent, glad to hear you both get on so well! Did she say how nice you look today?

Stephanie said...

Hi just found your log and had to comment! I am so glad to hear I am not the only one to have a little chat with my navagaition system. She is not wrong often, but when she is I let her know! Thanks for the laugh, hope you don't mind if this Canadian Mom follows along for awhile!

Expat mum said...

No - you forgot the swearing. Don't tell me you didn't swear.

BTW, I have to convey a message to you privately (nothing stalky). Can you e-mail me at

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