Twenty Reasons Not To Get A Dog

1. They steal your Granny's iced bun
2. They search and rescue empty cigarette packets from the bin and leave them on the floor, leading your mother to concluded that you have yet to give up that occasional cigarette habit
3. They rub their bottoms along the floor in front of your boss
4. They bark heartily at anyone under 2'2" but not at Big Burly Man
5. They attempt to mate with dogs blatantly too large to attempt mating with
6. They dig up your new turf causing the gardener to get cross and refuse your cake
7. They attempt copulation with anything, including your new Magi Mix
8. They chew your husband's used socks proving lack of any hygiene skills
9. They chew the buckles off your new shoes
10. They think that 'sit' means attempt to snatch the biscuit out of your hand in two alarming leaps
11. They enjoy watching you shout their name loudly and desperately across the park for several hours
12. They think your car is a portaloo
13. If you're camping, they will see it as an opportunity to eat raw sausages/show up your lack of dog control/bark steadily and consistently through the night at a volume only you can hear/use your car as a portaloo/sleep on your husband's head
14. They attempt to catch every fly they have ever seen by leaping generously around the kitchen knocking over your cup of tea
15. They rub their bottoms across the floor in front of your dad
16. They prompt many many questions from your children about mating/attempts to mate/mating habits/your own mating habits/general biology of mating
17. They eat the cork of the wine bottle thereby forcing you to consume the entire bottle
18. They attempt to mate with dogs that are blatantly too small to mate with
19. They crush smaller dogs in mating attempts
20. They cost you thousands in replacing small dogs