Sunday, 18 January 2009

Hitting The Pelvic Floor




This gorgeous award was given to me by the fabulous Morethanjustamother, a relatively new blogger who can write beautifully and has managed to make me laugh and cry already. Thankyou.

Just to explain, the Pelvic Floor Award is not, as you may have imagined, an award for the strongest (or weakest for that matter) pelvic floor, oh no. But for a funny blog that makes you wet yourself. Quite. Hmmm, reading that back I'm not so sure now, firstly how could any of you have thought it would be for the ability of your pelvic floor to contract sufficiently to retain all liquids (or release all liquids)? Ewww, shame on you! How do you think Morethanjustamother would have tested for this award? Is there some cyberspace equivalent to one of those 'exercisers' advertised in the back of Mother and Baby? (come on ladies it's a vibrator that was so badly designed that it doesn't vibrate. I know it, you know it, lets just all go to Ann Summers and be done with it). Did she pass the 'exerciser' out among the Mummy bloggers, let them take the test (it involves cold water, hot water and lots of squeezing. Apparently), then score them out of ten for Pelvic Floor Performance? And then (and only then) can you be awarded the Pelvic Floor Award. No. So it's not that sort of award.
But.
It is an award for blogs that make you wet yourself. Cheers. Visit Millennium Housewife and leak like an anywayup cup standing the right way up, i.e. copiously (you did get the irony there didn't you?). In fact, best remove underwear and sit on a plastic sheet before logging on, and you can forget it if you really do have a weak pelvic floor. Carnage is all I can predict (and absolutely no hope of a real Pelvic Floor Award, but you could peruse page 125 of Mother and Baby if you felt the urge).
Soooo, if you've braved it this far then I thank you all, those who have had to run off for a quick change I thank you too, mainly for coming back to read the rest. I hope the plastic sheet isn't sticking to your legs.
I'd like to pass it on to A Confused Take That Fan, I'm not sure about the state of her pelvic floor, but I know I worry for mine when reading her blog, she's hilarious.

9 comments:

Lindsay said...

My brother, living in OZ, reads your blog - I don't think he knows anything about pelvic floors - perhaps Matron will put him right!

The Dotterel said...

I'm not sure I do, either - but I know a good blog when I read one! Well deserved award - congrats!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

My pelvic floor got a lot of exercise after baby two weighed in at 8lb, so it is in quite good shape, thanks very much. But regardless, I am utterly flattered and astounded that I have been given this award by such a brilliant blogger as you. Even though it kind of freaks me out that it's an award that makes people seep a bit of wee when they read my blog.
I am not sure I am hilarious, more of a moaning minnie at the moment. I will try act more of the clown in future though. In fact. I am trying on a jester outfit as I type...
Thanks MH xxx

Maddy said...

Oh my gosh, now there's an entirely new award. Love it. Well done you.
Cheers

Moannie said...

That is a scream of an award, but I am happy to say that even after three births I have the sphincter of a camel thanks to my experiences as a lone nurse on night duty - so even when reading the funniest of blogs I stay dry...do tend to snort boogies though.

Coding Mamma (Tasha) said...

A well-dserved award. Have been laughing at your blog for a while now.

Boyfromoz said...

Matron's had four sprogs and I can assure Bigfoot that I can personally vouch that her floor is not unlike our trampoline - it's waterproof, extraordinarily bouncy and great fun!
Pip Pip!!

nappy valley girl said...

Well done - if anyone is guaranteed to provide leakage, you are!

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

That's hilarious!
Millennium Housewife makes us all wee ourselves! Genius. x