Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • Yes I know you try, I just thought we could make it a rule
  • You're very good at putting your suit ready for the dry cleaners
  • And checking the pockets, yes
  • It's just that today at the dry cleaners your underpants flew out of your trousers and hit the dry cleaning lady in the face
  • Followed by your socks
  • It was not her lucky day it was really embarrassing
  • Well could you check your clothes for underwear before putting them in the dry cleaning bag?
  • And while we're at it could you put your underwear in the dirty washing basket
  • It's in the laundry
  • Next to the kitchen
  • In the kitchen there's a door, behind it is the laundry
  • I'll show you
  • No I won't take your underwear while I'm at it
  • What do you mean Camilla wouldn't make you pick up your underwear?
  • Camilla's your secretary
  • I know she thinks you're great but that doesn't prove the underwear thing
  • No we're not calling her to ask
  • Put the phone down
  • I said put the phone down


Things I Have said To Camilla Today

  • Hi Camilla
  • Yes I know
  • Sorry he called
  • It wasn't a row I just wanted him to pick his underwear up
  • You would make him if you lived with him I swear


Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • That was really embarrassing
  • No not as embarrassing as the pants hitting the dry cleaning lady in the face
  • Yes nearly as embarrassing as you mentioning vibrators in front of My Mother
  • She still asks about that you know
  • About what it is
  • And how one might use one
  • And where one might buy one from
  • And whether my Dad might like one for Christmas
  • I know you said they were fun
  • Well she thinks it's some kind of hand warmer
  • And that maybe Dad could use one at the football in the winter
  • Well yes it does get quite chilly
  • You're missing the point
  • You've opened a whole Pandora's box
  • One where My Mother uses the word vibrator liberally and without restraint
  • Not just at Church
  • At the supermarket in front of the cream cakes
  • Well it put me off cream cakes for a start
  • Maybe you're right
  • OK, get her one for Christmas and let her solve it for herself
  • Just don't let Dad take it to the football

19 comments:

Clare W said...

Oh marvellous once more. I've missed your posts lately!

Helen Romeo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Potty Mummy said...

Of course, at least it's only the word vibrator that your mother uses liberally and without restraint...

Helen Romeo said...

You are absolutely, bloody hilarious! You made me laugh out loud too many times to count. I nearly even spat out my obscenely expensive 70% cocoa chocolate by Amadei...(there are certain things children can never take away from me!) So, I will definitely add you to my blog list (not that that sadly means much nowadays) and WILL ACTUALLY pop by frequently! Me? I'm a fellow mum with half my brain cells on extended leave, trying to reclaim them via becoming a happy (or silly?!) blogger myself - any advice would be very verry verrry gratefully accepted: www.frustratedstay-at-homemum.blogspot.com
PS you really SHOULD publish a book of lists - any takers so far? I can recommend you a good agent?

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Excellent! My mum once asked me THE MOST embarrassing question in the middle of Tescos. I won't go into details but my answer, had I in fact answered her and not fallen headfirst into a freezer, would have almost certainly provoked the question "Eurgh! Don't tell me YOU'VE done it!"

Maternal Tales said...

Ha ha ha. Truly hilarious. I believe I may have missed you. Welcome back. x

ModernMom said...

Vibrators, Mothers and Drycleaners all in one post. That has got to be a first! LOL

Wife in Hong Kong said...

This made me laugh so much. And boy do I need laughs right now!

Mud in the City said...

One of your lists is the best start to a glum day in the office that I know of.

Thank you!

Reminds me of a conversation my mother initiatied when I was at University:

"Darling, men can be very complicated. Maybe....maybe you should buy a vibrator?"

I nearly died.

Helen Romeo said...

MH, thanks for the comments left! drop me your ctct details on hlnromeo@gmail.com and I can give you the info you requested off-blog (it's always worth a shot in the dark as I say to my husband - oops, sorry!)

The Dotterel said...

...so, let me just get this straight - you opened Camilla's box and found Pandora's vibrator? And your husbands underwear?

Millennium Housewife said...

Hi Clare, missed you too!

PM many more where that came from

HR, as regular readers know, flattery will get you everywhere

Nunhead, thanks for putting the thought in there

MT, cheers!

MM, I think you must read very tame sites...

Wifey, on my way over

Mud, thanks, made my day too

Dotteral, breathe man, breathe.

Body Engineering said...

class your a star1

Nota Bene said...

I'm not sure you appreciate just how challenging it is to remember to remove pants and socks from trousers when all have been removed in one singular, stylish movement....and then deposited on the floor for the clothes fairy to tidy up...

Rebel Mother said...

Wonderfully Witty - guaranteed to make you laugh until your head rolls off! Love it.

Bush Mummy said...

At the age of 38 the word 'vibrator' still makes me blush..

Tag for you at mine.

BM x

More than Just a Mother said...

supremely amusing, as always.

Nunhead Mum of One said...

Tag for you at mine xx

Wife in Hong Kong said...

MH I've tagged you. Thought the whole list thing might appeal.