Tuesday, 4 August 2009

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today


  • No you can't go out tomorrow night

  • Because we're having a dinner party

  • Oh good I'm glad you remembered

  • I'm so looking forward to a nice civilised dinner party

  • I've worked really hard at the food

  • Nice food

  • Nice as in I followed a recipe and I'm going to present it nicely

  • Lamb

  • No not spaghetti bolognese

  • I know it's your favourite

  • But it's not really a dinner party dish

  • Well just for once you can try something new

  • I'm not doing spaghetti bolognese

  • No you can't have something separate

  • Spaghetti bolognese is not a good side dish with lamb

  • And please don't go off and eat in front of the TV this time

  • Because it's rude

  • And people want to talk to you

  • No you will not make yourself as boring as possible

  • Because our friends are coming and you like them

  • Three other couples

  • That makes eight of us

  • No not eleven,

  • Three couples plus us is eight

  • Where did you get eleven

  • You invited Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head?

  • Why?

  • We don't always invite them

  • Maybe to a barbecue but not to a civilised dinner party

  • Because they're the least civilised people I know

  • Well you shouldn't have invited them

  • They're not coming

  • There's no room and I've bought the lamb

  • No they can't just eat in front of the TV

  • Well you shouldn't have promised them I'd do spaghetti bolognese

  • So in a nutshell you invited Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head to watch the game tomorrow night while I cooked and served Spaghetti Bolognese?

  • In case you found the dinner party boring

  • Well you'll just have to phone them and cancel

  • They have their own flat to watch TV in

  • Why haven't they got any electricity?

  • Well if they'd paid their bill they would have

  • So basically they're coming to eat our food and enjoy free electricity?

  • Excellent

  • Well I suppose they can

  • But we'll have to shut the door so we can't hear the TV in the kitchen

  • And you're sitting at the table

  • There's no we'll see

  • No matter how boring you make yourself

  • Yes even if you pretend to fall asleep

  • Good that's settled

  • Lamb for eight and spaghetti bolognese for three

  • No not four

  • I'm glad you agree

42 comments:

AnyEdge said...

Ok, MH, I'm a boy and even I think your husband is off the rails on this one. Stand up. The bucket-brigade can eat tinned pasta in the dark at their own homes. Don't surrender your party. Fight good woman! FIGHT!

HERE'S TO RUIN! AND THE WORLD'S ENDING!!!!

That one girl said...

These freakin' crack me up!

Sounds like MY husband!

London City mum said...

MH - love your blogs! I can relate to this except replace spag bol with potatoes.... If I never see/eat/buy another one it will not be a day too soon!

Cammie said...

it's like having another child

The Dotterel said...

I take it Kate's not coming?

SandyCalico said...

Can I come? I like lamb.
Brilliant post, he sounds like hard work!

buffalodick said...

If my wife and I talked to each other that much, there would be murder in the cards... whose, I don't know!

Gin said...

I adore these post. They make me laugh out loud EVERY.SINGLE.TIME! All men really are the same.

Rol said...

He has friends called Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head?

I like him more and more.

Helen Romeo said...

Hmmm. Yes. You too. Sport. TV. Beer. Disinterest in the rest.

...Yes. Know it well, sister! just had a comment to the effect on my last posting that had my husband been watching the test match we'd have had some life outta him! Had to say - Yep! MEN!!!
www.frustratedstay-at-homemum.blogspot.com

The Peach Tart said...

He obviously has got to learn the rules and get on the plan.

Woody Jr said...

Love it! & Love ya!

Jules said...

I LOVE your conversations!!!!

Medora said...

Free electricity - that reminds me of neighbors at my old apartment - young men, ahem, I guess you could call them - who never paid their electric bill and wanted to run an extension cord from their apartment to ours. They were mad as hell because I said, no way, DUH. What's wrong with people?

Red said...

I love that 'there's no 'we'll see'' enteres a conversation with your adult husband!

Clare W said...

Just brilliant. It's like a conversation with my 10 year old boy regarding his friend Archie. Come to think of it my husband often falls asleep when people come over - perhaps he is just pretending...Mon Dieu!

Mud in the City said...

Genius.

I hope he's doing the washing up!

Evansmom said...

This defintely made me laugh out loud! I hope the dinner party goes well and there is no murder or mayhem.

Sara said...

I've never had spaghetti bolognese. What are you serving with the lamb?

Very cute post. I love these.

Kelloggsville said...

please tell me your husband has some good moments too - I don't know how you stay sane - but yet again you gave me the best laugh of the day - thank you very much

Mummy said...

Can I just check something? Are you talking to your husband or your child?

Smile.

Dingo said...

"Even if you pretend to fall asleep."

Did you tell him that he would be sent to his room without dinner (spaghetti bolognese or no), no TV, and he would be on play date restrictions?

Dana's Brain said...

Love this! I don't know, Bucket Head sounds like he could be an interesting addition to a dinner party.

Rebel Mother said...

Ha!

Im surprised there is not spag bog all up the walls!

You are a patient woman.

Love RMxx

Lauri said...

OMG! I hurt I am laughing so hard! I've been out of BlogLand all summer and I've just read all of the posts I've missed and I'm dying over here...literally, tears are running down my face and I'm doubled over laughing. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time...thank you!

Nicola said...

So, so funny. And love your previous 2 posts too about the diet. Just as well the diet didn't last - I can't imagine it would end up being a civilised dinner party after serving them all sage cheese. Mind you, it would have been a handy way to deter Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head...

Chef E said...

I always laugh when you do these...I am going to have to try and do this one day, well, I am also threatening to record hubby at night, because he always says "I don't snore"...and of course he does...

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Absolute classic. Why do men have such a, er, flexible view about food, cooking food and who is coming over to eat it. And all to get out of being social (with people that they like). My husband is with yours every step of the way. I'm with you.

Working Mum said...

How did he think he'd get away with that one? Love your lists!

rosiero said...

Hilarious as always - eve more so as we had bolognese for supper tonight!

Ladybird World Mother said...

Grrrr!! LOL. Thanks for the good giggle. x

JennyMac said...

Brilliant conversation. LOL~!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

I hope you introduce the naughty step/mat/chair if husband, Stu, Buckethead and Pokey don't behave. You deserve a medal MH, a medal.

TheKitchenWitch said...

Have you been hanging out and taping the conversations in my house? Because it sounds eerily similar...

This was so funny. I love it.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Baby girl, give me the recipe for that spaghetti bolognese NOW! I won't be able to fall asleep tonight.

Valerie said...

I absolutely crease up laughing over your conversations; they're flippin' great!

ladythinker said...

Hellooooo - I just popped in via Roserio's place. This made me smile - thank you so much - I'll be back to look at more.

It's been good to meet you.

starblinkee said...

This is so funny. I am amazed that you were able to handle it so well without losing your temper. Your hubby and mine would get along perfectly. However, I rarely throw formal dinners. We have a similar scenario when I have to coax him into coming with me to dinner formal dinner parties, which I know he hates so much.

Mom/Mum said...

'scuse me, I think I may have just wet myself whilst simulataneously spitting out my spag bolognaise dins as was eating whilst reading. What an image eh?
Hilarious MH, H I L A R I O U S!

kristine said...

oh this is the funniest thing i have read in a while. please provide follow up posts, we need to know how it went!!!

Frog in the Field said...

Hi MH,
Your lists never fails to make me laugh out loud (is your husband related to mine?)

Buggles Balham High Road said...

This is why I follow you. Laughing so much I've gone all weak.