Sunday, 2 August 2009

Say Cheese! (part two)

Ok, so the whole Sage Cheese Alternative Meal (SCAM) thingy really got everybody riled up - if only I'd known sooner I'd just have blogged about cheese every week, forget Husbands and dogs, cheese seems to be where it's at. So I thought I'd give you a quick update.
Despite never ever starting a diet (except for doing the food shopping bit) I decided to at least attempt this one, purely out of a sense of devotion to you all you understand, that's how much I love you (sorry for the mushiness I'm high on sage). It was, as I said, a simple mixing of ingredients, quick and easy. Even my diet buddy Taff (he supplies the cream puffs) thought he could manage it which is saying something. Taff once looked for instructions on a cabbage, on finding none he proceeded to boil the entire thing, whole, in one pan. He then attempted to mash a large, over boiled cabbage for no apparent reason except he thought cabbage should be mashed ( I SWEAR this happened). He's a great diet buddy, everything he produces is inedible. I once went on holiday with him and lost ten pounds, despite drinking my body weight in Chardonnay.
Anyway, you all saw it coming, the sage cheese was nothing of the sort. It tasted of olive water, sage and garlic, but not at all of cheese. This was cheese at its worst, non cheese if you like. Crikey even the Americans wouldn't eat this one (sorry dear beloved American Readers*, I do love you all but cheese is your thing isn't it? You do all sorts of weird and wonderful things just to get more cheese in your diet. Cheese-in-a-can anyone? I didn't know whether to squirt it on my toast or decorate the Christmas tree with it).
So I have abandoned the vegan all raw food thing in favour of the aisle six diet. It is far preferable and there's no false advertising, all I have to do for this one is consume food solely from aisle six of the supermarket. I devised the diet myself and picked the number at random. Pleasingly aisle six is the biscuit aisle and the manager has promised to try to place some wine and chocolate there too, I think she's expecting a bumper month. And she'd be right. I'm really going to stick at this one, wish me luck.


*You can sue me by clicking here

19 comments:

The Dotterel said...

Lawyers Direct? What's that about... And as for aisle six - you'd struggle at our local (unless you fancy eating loo rolls washed down with fairy liquid!)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Does your bum look big in aisle six?

Gin said...

No offense taken. I am one American that does not have a thing for cheese, (I'm allergic to milk), but I get what you are saying. Spray on cheese? Give me a break. Good luck with your aisle six diet. Sounds yummy!

jinksy said...

Might fall down if aisle six turned out to be washing powder and cleaning products!

The Peach Tart said...

I could so do the cheese all the time diet

A Confused Take That Fan said...

MH - please stop with the diets. Sage cheese was never an option. Aisle 6 idea sounds marginally better, but what about nights when you just have to have a curry?? I dieted once. The atkins diet. I lasted 20 minutes when I found even cheese had carbs.
Anyway, don't you ever watch Gok? 'It's all about the confidence...'
;o)

Sunny said...

Ah, squirt cheese. Haven't had that since I was 11. Note to self: pick up cheese in a can from grocery store today. For old times sake.

Kelloggsville said...

Are you trying reverse psychology on the Americans by inviting them to sue you?! Hope it works. On the other hand imagine the material you would have for your blog after defending yourself at the Squirty Cheese Court Case : Millenium Housewife versus the American Cheese (we use this in the widest sense of the word) industry!!!

Clare W said...

Truly I had a friend whose helpful, and slightly drunken husband, used to go to the supermarket to do the shopping on occasions and pick a letter of the alphabet. Then he'd just buy things beginning with that letter. She divorced him. Not sure why...there could have been more to it...Anyway don't pick C if you try this because although you could buy cabbage you will also buy cake, chocolate and Chardonnay.

Elaine said...

have been laughing all evening at this post!

can recommend the Hugh F-W diet, btw, here - http://joannasfood.blogspot.com/2007/06/hugh-fearnley-whittingstalls-slimming.html

Evansmom said...

Too funny!

Tammy Howard said...

I'm an American reader who is unapologetic about her love of cheese. Wine and chocolate are good, too...

Nota Bene said...

Are you sure you chose Aisle six at random. Seems a bit suspicious to me. And what did you do to the manager to win those favours....

Chef E said...

I totally agree, my comrades over here are so into cheese, but not me. Not unless it is a darn good European cheese platter at a high end pinky up!

I do not even like mac and cheese, so how un-american of me... :)

Summer said...

I snorted outloud at the cabbage story. That's hilarious!

Medora said...

Cheese in a can is WAY fun. Yum.

Expat mum said...

I managed to buy some genuine Cheshire here in Chicago. They are, as we speak, processing the mortgage repayment paperwork for it!

Millennium Housewife said...

TD, anything's worth a try, I like bubbly food

GB, the larger the aisle the smaller it looks, it all depends on prespective

Gin, cheers!

Jinksy, see above!

PT, me too, we could swap recipes?

Confused, me, you, curry now?

Sunny, please please post me some! My friends don't believe it exists...

Kellog, that really made me laugh!

Clare, errr, I think we need to talk therapy

Elaine, hooray!

Evansmom, thankyou x

Tammy, never ever apologise for cheese. It is wonderful.

NB, let's just say she sees the world with new eyes nowadays

Chef E, you really really have to visit, I know the best cheese place, amazing stuff

Summer, I hope you had a tissue

Medora, okaaay, I'll take your word for it until someone sends me some

Expat, worth every penny...

Sage said...

I love sage cheese :-) and red windsor, and red leicester, cheshire... my downfall my love of cheeses