Monday, 27 July 2009

Say Cheese!

Another day another fad diet. I know, I know, the clue is in the title: these things are fads, they're not meant to work long term and exist only to fuel the market that is the desire to take up less space in the World. La, la, la, I do get it you know. Except, except, I have found one that doesn't look to be a fad, it looks healthy, well balanced and above all promises big results in a matter of days. All I have to do is send £15 to the website, tap in my details so they can help me keep track of my progress, give up dairy, wheat, meat, caffeine and sugar, follow their simple and nutritious recipes and watch as the fat melts away (this seems to be the best thing about this diet, the fat melts, brilliant!).
So you can see why I'm going to follow it, there are none of the usual meal replacement thingys or chocolate snacks (although I wouldn't say no) that hail the beginning of a new fad. Oh no, this one's full of vegetables, and fruit, and water, and come to think of it not much else. Still, I can eat as much as I like three times a day, the website promised and even put it in italics just to reassure me. As much as I like! Do they know how much that is? A lot I assure you, and I can eat it all, finally a diet I can work with.
So, today was the first day, the new beginning if you like. I got to do the best bit about any new diet: go shopping for all the lovely nutritious food I was going to live on for the next month. It felt good, I tell you. Look at all this glorious, gorgeous, nutritious food. I'll be a goddess by next week at this rate, I even splashed out on a six pack of Evian, I'll be saving so much money on wine I can afford a two litre a day habit now. Wow, diets benefit every area of your life, I am reborn.
I am however going to start it tomorrow, it was everso tiring doing the shopping and putting it all away that I had to have a bit of toast and honey to bolster me up a bit. That coupled with the cream puff I had for breakfast, didn't hail the best diet day. Still never mind, I've got it all to look forward to. I've just been scanning the menu for tomorrow and lunch is a power salad with sage cheese.
Hang on I hear you all ask, index finger pointing upwards in an expression of intrigue mixed with disbelief. I thought you had to give up dairy? Ha! Oh dear readers, but I do, no cheese of any sort. But (and it's a big butt), herein lies the true value in paying my £15: Apparently you can make cheese from vegetables, Yes! I had to read it twice too. All I have to do is mix two garlic cloves, a handful of sage a dash of olive oil and three tablespoons of olive water and voila sage cheese. Isn't that fantastic? How on Earth did the nutritionists come up with this one. Not only do I get to eat a raw leek and chicory power salad, but I get to sweeten the deal with cheese. Perfect, I'm going to stick to this one, I can just feel it.

34 comments:

Tammy Howard said...

Oh my sweet loving God. Garlic, sage and olive oil = cheese? Not where I come from, sister! But (and it's a big butt - that cracked my stuff up!) you can have as much of it as you want! Um - bonus?

The Dotterel said...

Hmmmmm...

Chef E said...

Ditto...hmmmm...now I am really curious...

Nota Bene said...

Now I'm sure I copywrited the heading 'Say Cheese' You'll be hearing from my lawyers. Does veggie cheese have the same maggots as ordinary cheese? :-)

ModernMom said...

Oh please please post pictures of your "cheese"...I just have to see it!

That one girl said...

And now from your annoying aerobic instructor:

Well, I'm for anything that promotes anti-dairy. I'm like the anti-dairy queen. It's sooo bad for you!!!

However, that is asking a lot of change for a lifestyle. Not into fads, or crazy diets, just gradual life changes!

You can do it!!!

One step at a time!

Kurt said...

I love dairy! It's so good for you. It cleans out your arteries and clears up your complexion.

Valerie said...

Popped over to thank you for visiting my blog.
Raw leek? Ye Gods, I'd die if I had to eat a raw leek.
I'd better not tell you what I had for a starter at lunch today.
Oh go on then, you've twisted my arm: black pudding, covering raw bacon, covered with a very thick, creamy, stilton sauce.

Ice Queen said...

No dairy, meat, or wheat? The best foods are cheese, steak, and bread! Good luck. You are a stronger woman than me!

thinkinfyou said...

I wish ya tons of luck with it! I'm waiting till they make chocolate a vegetable to jump on board!

Clare W said...

Was that "say Jeez"? It sounds revolting. Stick with the cream puffs darlin'

Summer said...

You had me very interested until the "no wine" part. I can't follow anything that doesn't allow wine or cheese. BTW did you savor the cream puff? Mmmm.

Mr London Street said...

Oh dear. There is surely nothing powerful about a salad. It's not a foodstuff with potency. The best thing you can say about it is that it's not limp.

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

Are you kidding me?
That handful of backgarden ingredients does not a cheese make. It sounds like something Mr Maker would throw together in order to make a new type of 'organic' paint. And it's probably as edible as paint!

Sunny said...

That.

Sounds.

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

Okay, not really.

I'll stick to SlimFast, thank you. Chocolate bars for breakfast and lunch? Now *that* is genius.

Schmoochiepoo said...

I would DIE without dairy.

Vegatable cheese? That is so wrong on so many levels....

Red said...

Wow - what a revolution. Eating healthy will result in weight loss? Next week they'll be telling you that execise will help the melting process too!

Bev said...

I would rather die looking like Shamu than eat cheese made out of oil & sage.

Good luck with that! I'm definitely with you in the "cream puff for breakfast" camp. ;-)

Mud in the City said...

Mmmmmm.....cheese......

Gorilla Bananas said...

A truly great diet. Vegetables, fruit and cheese are what I live on. Are you allowed a few insects for protein?

powdergirl said...

Some of those foods, especially the fake cheese, sound good to me.
But you don't have to go so far as eating whatever they say.
Just watch portions and walk every day.

It works.
ps. You're very funny, thanks for the laugh : )

Amy said...

Thanks for stopping by the other day. NO wine in the diet. I hear it is great for your heart. Good luck with your new ideas. Have a great Day...

Gin said...

You are hilarious! Can't wait to hear how it goes! Thank you for your kind comments on my blog the other day.

P.S. I adore the conversations with your husband. How is it that universally all men are exactly the same?

Nikki said...

My friend went on one of those things! She lost weight, but when she stopped doing it she gained it back.

However, I wish you the best of luck, because I know that not everyone is the same!

magnumlady said...

lol well good luck with the diet....as I type I am shoving chocolate into my mouth....sadly some of it melted onto the keyboard....so I might have to lick it! Rather that then sage cheese.

Medora said...

Cheese from vegetables? No thanks. Just give me a cow and I'm happy - I love beef and dairy. Yum!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I would like someone to invent an all cheese diet because in all honesty, that's a diet I could get behind! In fact, while they're doing it, that same someone needs to reverse things so that delicious foods have few calories and lettuce has 1000 calories per leaf. I want someone to say "Eating chocolate cake twice a day is VITAL for your health!" Can someone arrange this, please?

rosiero said...

vegetable cheese? eugh!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Wow MH, that really sounds like the most delicious cheese ever. I must try it. Or not. I could lend you my husband for free and you could try the omelette diet?

Jen said...

I am anxiously awaiting the results of your new diet - raw leeks? the pounds must be melting away by now!

Nunhead Mum of One said...

oooh, cream puff.....

More than Just a Mother said...

That is NOT cheese. There is nothing even remotely cheesy about that concoction. In fact, the whole diet is ridiculous. I can't believe you've been conned into subscribing. tut.

(if you lose weight though, let me know and I'll sign up too...)

Kathy B! said...

My big butt is not eating that olive oil sage cheese concoction!! No way, no how!

I live in a state of perpetual caloric deprivation purely to kepp from getting any chubbier, but I have to draw the line somewhere, right?!

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