Monday, 20 July 2009

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • No thanks
  • No really it's ok
  • I'm sure you have played a blinder this time
  • I just don't want to smell it
  • Honestly I believe you
  • I don't need to come into the bathrooom to smell it
  • Well it's making it's way over here
  • Yes, well done
  • It is the worst so far
  • You must be very proud
  • Yes of course I'm proud too
  • It's quite an acheivement considering you set the bar quite high
  • I'm not being sarcastic
  • I know it's a man thing but I do get it
  • No please don't phone your brother
  • I asked you not to phone him
  • What do you mean he doesn't believe you
  • Well he'll have to take your word for it
  • No
  • No don't put me on to him
  • I'm not speaking

Things I Have Said To Husband's Brother Today

  • Hi
  • Yes it was bad
  • Worst one yet
  • I really don't want to discuss it
  • No I didn't actually go into the bathroom to smell it
  • It does count, I could smell it from the bedroom
  • I'm telling you it was bad
  • I don't think you could beat it
  • I am not having this conversation
  • The one where I'm discussing my Husband's wind with his brother
  • It is not the best conversation we've ever had
  • Well thankyou for the compliment but I'll go now

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • You're right he didn't believe you
  • Never mind
  • I'm sure you can do it again
  • A what?
  • Invent a what?
  • A fartometer?
  • What's one of those?
  • Well I suppose it would be useful to have an exact measurment
  • Yes then I suppose he'd have to believe you
  • Yes you'd better get to it right away
  • Yes it is your best idea to date
  • Well done

57 comments:

Cammie said...

boys are so dumb

The Peach Tart said...

men and their fascinations....did you get a cocktail to put up with all this?

Maternal Tales said...

Fantastic!! So just how bad was it really?!! (I'm part male I think)!

Maddie Grigg said...

At least he had the decency to keep it in the bathroom. I've had to ban farts from the kitchen and bedroom in this house.

Sunny said...

This post reminds me of the worst (or perhaps most talented?) farter I know -- my brother. Nothing my husband can do will ever compare. I am feeling sorry for my future sister-in-law. It's like evil crawls right out of him. *shudder*

ModernMom said...

LOL Boys! My Hubby would so buy a fartometer!

Tammy Howard said...

God, boys are weird.

So seriously. Was it, like, REALLY bad, or what?

Nota Bene said...

Bravo!! Well done to Mr Millenium Housewife. Nice one. I can smell it from here

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Patent it immediately. Or next time tell him to do it in a glass jar, seal it with clingfilm, take it around to his brothers, pierce the clingfilm and then he can smell all for himself...

Jessi said...

LOL thanks for that info!

Wow. What a day at your house! LOL

Jessi said...

oh and no joke. the capche word verification was this:

butship

no joke. all on your blog. appropriate, no?

Julie B. said...

You have nothing to complain about...he went into the bathroom didn't he? Count your blessings...then again...maybe he did on purpose to capture and enhance? Like singers who like bathrooms for the acoustics?

SandyCalico said...

Hilarious! Must have been a good one!!

Kurt said...

May I recommend a good probiotic?

OHN said...

Hi Millennium~thanks for stopping by. Here the kids are 13 or 14 when they start high school (we have grade school grades 1-5, middle school grades 6-8 and high school 9-12).

I am still waiting to hear what really happened. It is really disturbing!

Hit 40 said...

Excellent!!! I love to keep a list of random thoughts/events that my hubby needs to know when he gets him!! Isn't he lucky.

Ice Queen said...

That's terrible. I guess it really doesn't matter how old they are. I've been hearing guys have conversations like these since middle school.

...yes, it's terrible.

ReformingGeek said...

LOL! Mine is actually embarrassed when he farts. Go figure! ;-)

Jules said...

Are you by any chance married to MY husband? Because I swear, minus the phone call, I've had this conversation before.
I was laughing OUT loud reading this!!

buffalodick said...

In America, we know we are getting older when four things happen...
1. You get an AARP card- and join!
2. You discuss bowel movements.. How many, what colour, odor, etc.
3. The Meds you're on daily...
4. You know the address of all the funeral homes in the area..

Clare W said...

You have made me grateful for my husband. Thank you xx

Elaine said...

urkkkk...ha ha ha!

have just had to explain to husband why I am laughing so hard at a blog by someone he doesn't know, but who is clearly married to his spiritual twin...

Anonymous said...

That is really excellent!

honeypiehorse said...

Whoops that last comment was mine

Kerri said...

LOL! Sounds awfully familiar :)

beth said...

i'm sorry for you, but so glad that someone else's life sounds a bit like mine! by the way...a rowhome is like a townhouse, but older and not as big, usually. it is one of around sixty house that are connected on one block or street. thanks for stopping by!

Red said...

Men! Impossible.

What is worse is that I am raising my son to become one of them. He and his Daddy already laugh at their 'pops'.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Tehe.

Things I have said to my husband today: "What?! You actually think I can get a passport for me and Mr. M in two days? Think again."

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

afartometer? lol. hahah.

mo.stoneskin said...

Whether or not I have played a blinder I get sent straight to the shower and ordered to put my kit straight in the wash. It's not fair.

Elaine said...

unbelieveable, there is such as thing as a fartometer!

here - http://www.halloweenexpress.com/fartometer-costume-p-4934.html

Mr London Street said...

Thank you for popping by my blog. I can see from this that I'm going to like yours.

It truly marks a watershed in any relationship when you can talk your partner into popping his/her head into the Dutch oven and then proudly saying "Smell that? I made that. Me. Fancy!"

Word verification: "ramper" - a silent guff that starts innocuously and gets progressively more smelly.

Penelope said...

Thank you for making me smile today. Guys just dont seem to accept that we dont really need to appreciate their bodily functions....

Night Owl Mama said...

OmGosh thats hysterical LOL

JennyMac said...

Things I said to my husband this am: Nothing. He is NOT a morning person. No speaking allowed. And thank god I will never have this convo. It is however, hysterical. LOL.

LazyKing said...

Usually when you start a sentence with "honestly".. you are not being honest! hahahaha

PS: thanks for visiting my blog. Hope you enjoyed your visit.

Muddling Along Mummy said...

Am sure this has already come your way but in honour of the wonderful things you say to your husband there's a little award over at mine

Dana's Brain said...

Oh, the men/boy fascination with passing gas! It's like an epidemic.

The worst part is my husband and son are passing on it on to my 3yr old daughter! They must be stopped!

Mud in the City said...

Wow. I can see why you fell in love with the Husband! I just don't know how one can compete with that!

Schmoochiepoo said...

Farting IS Funny {if you have a penis} :)

Thanks for stopping by my Blog!

http://reluctantmemsahib.wordpress.com said...

fabulous. you've got them down to a t. men. and their wind habits.

K said...

God I'm glad I'm a girl.

Medora said...

Oh, man, sounds like my ex - and he has three morons for stepbrothers, so he is the brightest of the bunch. Good luck.

Elsie Button said...

haha. i feel very very very disloyal for saying this but... my darling precious beautiful gorgeous little baby (who is only 3 months old and so not big enough to defend herself, which makes this doubley cruel) does the most horrendous farts. Not only do they SMELL but they sound very adult-like, which makes it very embarrassing when we are out and about and she lets one go

Elsie Button said...

have just thought... does my last comment make me as bad as your hubby?

More than Just a Mother said...

MH, if you don't get these posts put into a book very soon, I will be extremely let down. After all, it would make a great book to keep in the toilet for visitors to chuckle at as they compete with your husband.

Dancinfairy said...

Why is it that men are obsessed with this? This conversation could have happened in our house, but there would be no telephone call to a brother, simply because he does not have one and his sister would not be impressed!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

that made my day! thanks!

Valerie said...

Loved this. I daren't do the same, you'd worry over the blank lines... grins.

Stacie's Madness said...

roflmao...this is hilarious.

Frogs in my formula said...

Hilarious. Still laughing.

Yup, still...

P.S. My brother farts so much we joke that when he's 80 his buttcrack will hang to the floor.

magnumlady said...

lol hilarious

ella said...

This is why I worry about being the sole female in a house with five boys.

Kelloggsville said...

I know I'm late reading it but that's th ebest laugh I've had all day - thank you - ps my husband was impressed by it and you couldn't smell it from here!

Meg said...

This is one of the funnier blogs I've come across lately! I'm at work laughing out loud at this post.

Erin M. said...

ROFLMAO! Love this one, will have to share with my husband!

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