Saturday, 4 July 2009

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • Darling?
  • Sweetheart?
  • Husband
  • No, no nothing's wrong
  • It's just you're all over my side of the bed
  • You are
  • Wake up and have a look
  • Yes you may be predominantly in the middle
  • But your feet are over mine
  • And your head's on my pillow
  • It is my pillow
  • Well if you move over you'll see yours over your side of the bed
  • Go on
  • Just roll over that's all it'll take
  • Roll
  • Not that far
  • Yes I know you're clinging on with one arse cheek
  • That doesn't mean you weren't over on my side
  • You just rolled too far
  • What do you mean it must be nice over the big side of the bed?
  • Just leave it it's 4am
  • Night
  • Darling?
  • It's 4am
  • Well stop it
  • I'm well aware we're awake being one of the awake ones
  • Go to sleep
  • I'm sorry you can't sleep now
  • No there's no quickie on offer
  • I said no quickies
  • Or slow ones
  • It's two hours until the alarm goes off
  • I don't care that it'll only take two minutes
  • I didn't wake you for sex you were just on my side of the bed
  • Yes I suppose I have learned my lesson
  • Yes I won't disturb you in future
  • Night
  • Darling?
  • Get that thing out of my back
  • Or I'll tell your Mother
  • Thanks
  • Night

42 comments:

ModernMom said...

Ha haha I think all men are the same!

SandyCalico said...

LOL'd at that!

Nota Bene said...

Women! n They.re so unreasonable...much sympathy to your poor poor husband

Clare W said...

Yes fending off is a permanent stance...well until the gin kicks in!

Kelloggsville said...

don't forget the starfish impression! are all men good at that one too? Mine can cover the whole bed after a few too many beers! and what is it with the broom handle at 'tooearlyoclock'! nice to know I'm not alone!!! good post, thanks x

Debbie said...

You cracked me up with this!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Ha ha, but you are so well mannered MH. At least you let him down very gently...

Mud in the City said...

Classic. Any excuse eh?

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Still though, you're lucky. I didn't see "SNORING" anywhere in your list!

Millennium Housewife said...

MM, me too, not much genetic variation

Sandy, goodo

NB, lol! Coming over to yours

Clare, yup gin always helps

Kellog, I think that's my forte

Debbie, excellent

Confused, cheap gag!

Mud, well I am irresistable

Lawyer, snoring deserves a whole other post

Cammie said...

ugh, there is nothing worse than the "poke" in the back. seriously...do they think that is going to get them some?
I think not

Sunny said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog! :)

Loved this post... I will definitely be back to read more! LOL

Lara said...

Hee! I'm pretty sure this is universal!

Thanks for coming by my blog today...and thanks even more for the great laugh!

Expat mum said...

OMG - I just laughed out loud and the teens asked what I was laughing at. Had to do a quick "close" action, rather like they usually do! Great post.

Dingo said...

Only a man could interpret "you are taking up too much room" to mean "come over here and lie on top of me." But I have to say, invoking the MIL was just cruel, cruel, cruel.

Kristina P. said...

This is hilarious! Mine would also include, "Your mom" and "Your Face."

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I'm adding you to my Reader. Too funny!

Iota said...

Very funny.

Wouldn't a sharp elbow in the ribs have been quicker?

Red said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. :)

Hmmmm, maybe I should try a 4am wake up call to my husband if I am ever going to get some juice for baby #2!

gingermagnolia said...

Oh girl, that's hilrious! Especially "get that thing out of my back."

Sara Bonds said...

LOL! Fun post. I can relate some some of these.

LadyFi said...

This was brilliant and funny!

Scrappy Girl said...

Hilarious! I would have threatened to tell my mom though...LOL!

Eleana said...

So funny!
I had to read it to my husband - I don't know if that look he gave me meant he thought it as funny as I did.

Chef E said...

First of all I have to say your laughing bio photo has me laughing back! I love your blog, and will be back for more of your wit! and good writing of course...will keep looking at your stuff now...

Chef E said...

Does that include over seas airfare? I would love to do it free of charge, just to visit your country, with maybe a row boat to Ireland, lol, and I cannot post my conversation with hubby...one minute to geeky, then goes to x-rated...or I should just fade to black...

The Sagittarian said...

Now that was too funny! Thanks for stopping by at my place, I will leave a bucket and straw out for you permanently to save time...you must be exhausted with lack of sleep! :-)

Vicus Scurra said...

I note the title of this missive.
I suspect that shorter versions would be:
1) Things that your husband says to you.
2) Things that your husband can remember saying to you.
3) Things that your husband can remember you saying.

If you talk that much at night, you must be unbearable during the day. I shall take careful note of your writing from this point onwards.

septembermom said...

Really funny! Love this. Thanks so much for visiting my blog too! I enjoyed stopping by yours :)

AFD said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog! I love to see new readers, besides my parents. :) Loving what I'm reading on your blog. Looking forward to reading more!

Muthering Heights and Other Senseless Sensibility said...

LOL!!! I hate it when my husband infringes on my pillow too!!

Owen said...

Oh my, now I finally at long last understand why people went beyond "LOL" and invented "LSHIAPMP" !

Love your profile picture...

Have no idea how you found me, and dread to think what you might have Google searched to get to my blog, as in your below post, I hope it was not "I shot myself"... I swear it wasn't me ! My name is NOT Van Gogh ! It was probably something like "Lucky sod living in France photographing pink lace socks at every chance" ?

Well whatever, come back whenever you like ! Now, it's 4a.m. and I need to go see if my wife's awake !

rosiero said...

Try holding his nose next time!

Kat said...

It is like you have been in my bedroom... eerie.

Eliza said...

Loved it and remember it well :-)

The Dotterel said...

Am I missing something?

Deb said...

OMG ~ I thought you were writing about my bedroom and my husband and me! Too funny. Thanks for the laughs. I'll be back!

Hilary said...

I love this!!!

Helene said...

OMG, hilarious!!!! My husband seems to think whenever I'm nice to him, it means sex is in his near future. So that it explains why I'm mean to him 99% of the time.

Julie B. said...

You crack me up! Let me tell you that my marriage has been saved by my husband now sleeping in the guest room, with the dogs, on a permanent basis :)

buffalodick said...

No men defending your guy... I can, and will... He's not bad people, and women who critize should look in a mirror...and that is that!

Babe said...

Last night in OUR room in the 702.

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