Monday, 28 September 2009

The Real Story Behind Those Film Titles

1. The Constant Gardener This film is about my dad. It involves a shed, a lot of pottering, possibly some tweed trousers and a fool proof plan for watering the lawn during a hosepipe ban. The Action centres around dummy runs of the Hosepipe Ban Plan where you cling to the edge of your seat as he attempts to outwit the hosepipe police (whom you never see, but the local news always assures you are there). There’s a hilariously tragic scene where the cat gets red paint in his ear fooling everyone into thinking he has a brain tumour that has burst. I kid you not.

2. Twenty Eight Days Later My Mother stars here as Neurotic Woman #1, it is set in the eighties with appropriate costumes, although My Mother still wears blue eye shadow and flares and uses words like groovy, it was the only time she was hip and she’s staying there. I am in my teens and the title of the film refers to the calendar she kept on the fridge door to remind her when to start worrying about a late period. Mine not hers.

3. Pride and Prejudice My sister returns to Africa to fight for lion’s rights.

4. Dumbo I marry my Husband, let my dad give me away unsupervised and without a map, ask my sisters to be bridesmaids and allow them to choose their own dresses; one is full length Barbie style pink designed to show cleavage and snag the Best Man, the other Hollywood red carpet in preparation for the real thing. My Mother is allowed to attend ungagged.

5. Forrest Gump A camping trip goes horribly wrong, two year old is being potty trained and sleeps with us in the tent. We rename the film Forrest Dump.

6. Rambo Husband’s chance to shine. Shot entirely in front of the bathroom mirror when he thinks nobody is looking. Straddles the comedy/horror genres.

7. Herbie Goes Bananas My brother takes to the weed, My Mother finds one of his Special Cookies and eats it. The police attend. The cleaner attends. There is an interesting scene with a broom handle and a jay cloth. No one ever mentions it again. Ever.

8. Jaws: My sister gets braces. My brother invests in industrial magnets. She spends a week stuck to the boot of his car. He cleaned her for free.

9. Dirty Dancing: Centres around the end of any wedding attended by my parents. A little too much sherry is imbibed, inhibitions are shed, as are clothes and they raunch around the dance floor convinced they are Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey. The image haunts you for months and causes intermittent blindness.

10. It’s A Wonderful Life It is, really, and I wouldn’t have them any other way

35 comments:

Medora said...

I hear you on number 1 - my brother calls our dad the "flower fag."

Sara said...

I love them!!! Your family sounds hysterical! Now where are the links to YouTube?

AnyEdge said...

hysterical. In the medical sense.

Vicus Scurra said...

Post of the week.
So far, anyway.

Chef E said...

Ha ha, now I need to sit down and do my family...mostly scary and B movies...

Nota Bene said...

For 9, I'm sending you my therapists number> Nobody should have to see their parents doing that sort of thing

Muddling Along Mummy said...

OMG Rambo strikes a chord over here ... !

Gorilla Bananas said...

So your husband has ears like Dumbo does he? Ah well, at least they were something to hold onto.

love lives in the kitchen said...

hello! i'm so happy to meet you! thnak you for visiting love lives in the kitchen ;)
the fresh pasta shop we have downstairs is just lovely: i guess you shoul relocate :DD
hugs,
justyna

Ladybird World Mother said...

Lovely idea for a post!! Loved the Jaws visual. x

Clare W said...

Ha - if it wasn't true it would be funny!!

Mud in the City said...

Wonderful. Not only must you write a book, but I'm already looking forward to the screen version!

Amanda {My Life Badly Written} said...

Gotta love family -such good blog fodder!! Hilarious love it!!

Evansmom said...

great post - this made me laugh!

FranticMommy said...

Ha! Love it! I'd like to add one from me. After spending a weekend with my Mother:
Throw Mama From The Train.
:)

Summer said...

I loved each one, but I have to say the Dirty Dancing one made me spit out my coffee. lol. I guess my parents relationship could be summed up in War of the Roses, only my parents stayed together for spite. Ah, good times!

Helen Romeo said...

MH you are officially the funniest person I've ever met, on-line or off. I laughed till I cried. And then laughed again. My kids looked on, bemused. You are the antithesis to my SERIOUS blog (said with long drawn out syllables...). Arrggh. Wonder what movie I'd be?!!!
You, woman, would be Eddie Murphy. In any incarnation. You ROCK!!!

www.frustratedstay-at-homemum.blogspot.com

Nicola said...

This had me laughing out loud and then humphing, wishing I could think of something so original and funny. In fact, if I had half a brain cell maybe I could come up with just one film title...just one...to capture my frustration in this moment. But nope. You. Are. Brilliant. And I love your posts.

Millennium Housewife said...

Medora; your brother sounds quite the wag

Sara, they're xrated

AE, as in uterine?

VS, it's monday morning, cheers!

Chef, oh do, could be fun comparing

NB, I already have three therapists, you may borrow one

MAM, quite a picture isn't it

GB, every cloud

Lovey, I'm there

LWM my sister didn't

CW it's true its true!

Mud likewise

Amanda, I know imagine how boring it would be

EM goodo!

FM, that would be a good one

Summer, try to keep your mouth closed when drinking coffee

HR, my head is swelling, please revert to sarcasm

Nicola, see above x

Melissa B. said...

Greetings & Salutations! Happy Wednesday, too. SITS sent me by, and I'm glad they did...

What's Wrong with This Picture?

St Jude said...

Oh dear 28 days later rings a bell for me!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Jaws really scared me!

Thanks for your comments today! I love meeting new bloggers. We have a few of the same friends!

Hugs!!

brainella said...

Jaws is the best, followed by Dirty Dancing. Bravo. :)

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

#7, old Herby the Love Drug, is my favorite.

S Club Mama said...

OMG you are hilarious!! I love the Dirty Dancing ....

love lives in the kitchen said...

hello! thank you for your lovely comment on love lives in the kitchen! you can use squash as well ;)
have a great weekend!
justyna

Robin said...

As they say, great minds think alike! Have a great weekend!
-Robin
www.robingillis.blogspot.com

Helen said...

Hello from SITS :)

You. Crack. Me. Up.

You're absolutely hilarious. I totally have to follow you.

Your real movies behind the titles has made my day :)

Mike said...

On the advice club. I demand a secret decoder ring, but besides that sure thing. ;)

Granny on the Web said...

I LOVE you style of humour!

Love from Granny

Rebel Mother said...

Ha! I love number 7. Oh that must have been funny.

You do make me laugh.

RMxx

elizabethm said...

I am torn between snorting with laughter at Dirty Dancing and feeling a bit apprehensive that it might be happening to me. Fabulous blog.

Charisse and Holly said...

Come on...how could I choose? Just found you today. I'm new in bloggy town. LOVED your movie post and the things I've said to my Mother. Seriously funny stuff. Come on by for a visit and stay awhile. Always love meeting new friends. Holly at lifelaughlatte.blogspot.com

Tattie Weasle said...

I think the best for me has to be Herbie goes bananas! Wonerful stuff just popped by from Mud's blog!

Mighty M said...

You're funny. :-)