Thursday, 17 December 2009

Things I have said To My Parents Today

  • Ooh thankyou
  • Happy early Christmas to you too
  • I like the wrapping
  • Shall I guess?
  • Ok
  • Err
  • Well it doesn't rattle
  • It's squareish
  • It's quite light
  • I'm guessing a book
  • Shall I open it?
  • Excellent
  • I wonder what it is
  • Yes I was right, a book
  • Sex As You Age?
  • Sex As You Age?
  • What do you mean I'm quite welcome?
  • It may well have got you through some tough times
  • But I'm in my thirties
  • My Thirties
  • I'm not aging
  • Or in need of an elderly person's sex manual
  • Oh crikey
  • There's notes in the margin
  • Especially for me?
  • Was this your book?
  • Dad please don't say Ours like that
  • While putting your arm round mum
  • Because I'm holding your sex manual
  • And sitting next to you
  • And trying desperately to think of something pleasant
  • And Christmassy
  • And not look at the chapter entitled Arthritis Of The Knee And You
  • Dad
  • Stop winking at mum
  • Put your hands where I can see them
  • Both of you
  • I'm taking away the sherry
  • No you can't have it back at bedtime
  • Because we're in the room next to you
  • And I can see you've put your knee bandage on
  • Yes of course safety comes first
  • But so does your daughter's mental health
  • I'm sure you do have a book on that too
  • But really
  • No more books OK
  • Because my nerves can't take it
  • No thanks
  • I don't want my other present
  • Because it looks suspiciosly like a pot of chocolate
  • And a box of knee bandages

43 comments:

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

Gaaaah!
I often get the 'don't kiss daddy, mummy. That's disgusting' from my kids now. Pray god I don't EVER turn into that.

The Peach Tart said...

Oh honey this is hilarious. At least your parents are still doing it even though that is TMI when it's our parents.

Chatterbox said...

Wow! what a list.
When you look at them all together, they can spark a bunch of emotions in one shot.

Keep up the good work. Hope to see you around.

Cheers!!

geraldgee said...

The look on my sons face when I was adancing!

Mud in the City said...

That was side splitting! I'd imagine you'd need a lie down after that conversation. Alone. Without your parents next door!

AnyEdge said...

In the immortal words of Bill Waterston, as Calvin:

"Egad! Bad Dad!"

Herding Cats said...

Loves it.

5thsister said...

Maybe you should invest in some good earplugs! That was hilarious!

thatgirlblogs said...

can I have the pot of chocolate?

Freddae' said...

This is super hilarious and I love it!

Muddling Along Mummy said...

That is the funniest thing I have EVER read !

ouch !

Aimee said...

HA!!!

Expat mum said...

Eeeuuuwww! I was talking about chocolate body paint at my blog - perhaps I could send it over to your place.

Eva Gallant said...

That was way too funny...and I'm your Mom and Dad's age!

rosiero said...

So funny. Why is it we can never contemplate our parents ever having sex, I wonder?

Kelloggsville said...

Hilarious!

Synergy Girl said...

No...please say that this was COMPLETELY made up...??!!! Please?? wow...

brainella said...

Eek. The images. Burned into my brain. EEK!

Clare Wassermann said...

oh yes that really cheered me up!

Diney said...

Great post! You can NEVER contemplate your parents 'doing it' - Ew!

Vicus Scurra said...

I done a lol.

Donn said...

I out-LOL'd Vicus.

Having 4 progenii of my own, some in their early 20s, I've noticed how the colour leaves their face whenever I gave them the "talk" and mentioned in passing that the morning wood is the hardest to chop.

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

Oh dear. Still laughing. Just brilliant. That'll never happen to me as my parents have obviously never had carnal relations ever as that would just be way too yick...

Nota Bene said...

Bloody parents. Selfish.

Rog said...

This is like wife in the North isn't it?

Only amusing and clever.

Richard said...

I done a LOL in the library.

Reminds me, stole my first prophylactic off my Dad. He would be about my age now. Ew...

Frog in the Field said...

OHMYGOD!!!
Still the very best in Listdom

Emma said...

Hehe.. The stop winking at my Mum makes me giggle!

Debbie said...

Now this is funny! Love your list.

Ladybird World Mother said...

!!! I done a LOL too!! Fab stuff.

Debs said...

Hilarious. I loved this, though probably because it's not my parents...

sheila said...

Oh Crikey! LOL! Okay, that is a FABULOUS thing to post! Love this!

When did I become my Mom said...

Oh hilarious! As long as it's not your own parents... :-)

Here from SITS. Thanks for the laugh.

alessandra said...

Ahahahaha, oh my!!!!!

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

" * Because it looks suspiciously like a pot of chocolate
* And a box of knee bandages"

Oh, the visual!

Mel said...

Wonderful and so funny - and true

DJ Kirkby said...

Oh goodness this was hilarious! In a cringy sort of way. My parents are separated (for about a million years now) so I've had to sets of frisky parents to endure my whole life. No wonder I'm mental.

Shambles said...

Love it- even if it does make me a little queasy.

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Aww, god love 'em. Does it irritate that they may perhaps have a better sex life than you? I think something happens when they get older, you get older and suddenly they feel they can talk to you about sex. They can't. It makes me nauseous. Hope your presents improved. Happy 2010 xx

My Baby Sweetness said...

That is AWESOME!

Stopping by from SITs.

Jen said...

Fantastic! So, erm, how was the book?

rosiescribble said...

That is hilarious! I agree with Jen, what is the book??!

lunardancer said...

My tummy hurt from too much laughing. What could be more pleasant than receiving a book like Sex As You Age when you're in your thirties! Even if it didn't come from my parents, I wouldn't know what to think. It's enough that I have to worry about the telltale signs of aging on my face.