Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Thirty Nine Reasons Not To Get A Cat

  1. Because you already have a dog
  2. A mental one
  3. With a possible eating disorder
  4. Who still hasn't forgiven you for removing his balls
  5. Or calling him Twizzle
  6. They eat food that smells like a toilet
  7. They have a toilet in your kitchen
  8. Even the dog isn't allowed a toilet in the kitchen
  9. Even Husband isn't allowed a toilet in the kitchen
  10. Despite what he thinks
  11. You are expected to clean up their toilet
  12. Never ever Husband
  13. They sleep on your feet peacefully
  14. Until you are asleep
  15. Then they eat your head
  16. Never ever Husband's head
  17. Who insists you are paranoid
  18. They need their gonads removing
  19. They have spent the night locked in the kitchen with the dog
  20. Who has had his gonads removed
  21. And told them the whole sorry tail
  22. And pointed out that animals are the only males in the household to have their gonads removed
  23. Husband still has to get his done
  24. Despite what he may think
  25. They attempt to mate each other
  26. They are brothers
  27. They attempt to mate the dog
  28. Which is ill advised
  29. Just ask next door's cat
  30. Once his head brace is removed
  31. They never ever come when you call them
  32. They do what suits them
  33. They look at you with contempt
  34. They eat all your food
  35. And never thank you
  36. They resemble the rest of the family
  37. Because you would have liked a parakeet
  38. One that said thankyou
  39. And maybe came with gonads pre removed

6 comments:

AnyEdge said...

One neither can nor needs to remove parakeet's gonads.

The major reason not to get a cat is: it's a cat. They're vile beasts. Hateful, and spiteful for life.

One reason call for cats: should you acquire a 15th century homestead in Provence, and you are fresh out of owls, a cat may be used for vermin abatement. But never allowed in the house.

Elsewise, procure yourself a burlap sack, and a sturdy paving stone, and a river. Place cat and stone in sack. Place sack in river. Sleep the sleep of the righteous.

Nota Bene said...

Looking forward to your next post. 101 uses for a dead cat. You're either a cat person or a dog person.

Tara said...

You called your dog Twizzle?
Cruel

Expat mum said...

I think my dog must be half cat despite looking like a wolf. She has eating issues and never comes when I call her. Hm...

Tawny said...

Only one reason is needed, its a cat. I hate them with their archy backs and their tails and that thing they do with their paws...yuck

hausfrau said...

I love cats and, as always, laughed out loud at your 'conversation' post, but I really don't need another pet in the house: Husband and children are quite sufficient.