Things I have Said To My Parents Today

• Hiya
• Helloo
• Helooooo?
• Anyone in?
• Oh hi dad
• Dad?
• Are you OK?
• Oh good
• No it's just
• You look a bit weird
• Sitting on your own
• Behind the breakfast bar
• Kind of strained
• And sweaty
• Oh good lord Jesus christ
• Hi mum
• I didn't see you down there
• No, no
• Please
• Stay there
• Don't get up
• Oh Christ
• Don't do that
• On the Princess Diana tea towel
• I'm just going to go
• I'm not a prude
• Or embarrassed
• Crikey dad
• Leave the buckle
• At least until I'm gone
• No it's fine
• I'll see you later
• Please remember to wash the tea towel