Sunday, 10 May 2009

Things I have said To My Parents Today

  • I'm fine
  • No I'm just eating a sandwich so I sound a little muffled
  • No really I'm fine
  • I know I shouldn't eat on the phone
  • No don't call me back I'll put the sandwich down
  • Peanut butter
  • I don't have a nut allergy
  • Why would I need an adrenaline pen if I don't have an allergy?
  • But I don't need one
  • Shirley's daughter has one because she's allergic to nuts
  • I'm not allergic to nuts
  • There's no could be about it, I'm not allergic
  • OK I'll go to the doctors tomorrow and ask her for an allergy pen
  • She'll laugh at me you know
  • I know she wouldn't be laughing if I went in dying of a nut allergy
  • No thanks you don't need to come with me
  • Yes everything else is fine
  • How many times do I what?
  • Sorry, I thought you asked how often I was mating
  • You did
  • What kind of question is that?
  • I don't care if Oprah said it was a good indication of the state of a marriage
  • It's just not something you ask
  • I'm not telling you
  • This conversation is not happening
  • la la la la la la la
  • About three times a week
  • Well I'm glad Oprah thinks that's healthy
  • I'm really not interested in how often you and dad mate
  • I said I wasn't interested
  • Please stop discussing dad's mating habits
  • In the shed?
  • I really wish you hadn't told me that
  • No don't put him on I really don't want to know
  • Hi dad
  • I really don't want to know
  • I don't care whether you were alone or not
  • Well Mother gets these weird ideas
  • Just stop her watching Oprah that should do it
  • Yes I'm sure you are missing a good night's sleep
  • It's just a phase it'll be something else next
  • Yes hopefully something to do with growing tomatoes


Mum Gone Mad said...

ROFL very funny and I hope verbatim.My mum doesn't watch Oprah but my nan continually worries about "the very bad men" (whoever they are) and is always checking I am aware of their existence, I say I am :)she'd prefer it if I walked my 13 year old to school.

Maternal Tales said...

Hilarious as always. Three times a week you say?!! I'd say that was pretty good going!!

Stephanie said...

LOL You really are too funny. Thanks for the giggle!

Nicola said...

OMG - hysterical. Thank GOD I haven't had the same discussion with my parents. Mind you, I guess it would be pretty odd as there isn't a man around. Maybe it would be even worse. Maybe it would be about 'self-stimulation' and making sure I have a battery operated 'bunny' in the house. Oh dear. Now I need a stiff drink. The thought of that just makes me want to never answer the phone to my parents ever again!

Anonymous said...

Oprah has a lot to answer for - but thanks for sharing!

ADDY said...

Hilarious, as always. You really do need to publish a book of these.

Nota Bene said...

Nuts. Definitely nuts.

Mutter said...

OMG, you make me laugh! This is priceless! Did Husband ever have the snip? Now I understand why he needs to.

and1moremeans5 said...

so funny! your posts always make me giggle x

Millennium Housewife said...

MGM, these VBM seem to be everywhere...

MT, errr, yes, three times a week!

MM pleasure!

Nicola, go and get that drink, now, please.

Mud, love to share it around as you know

Rosiro, if only you were an agent...

NB, nuts are what it's all about. Apparently.

WHK, blog to that effect coming up

Amy, my mission is to serve. You did get that didn't you?

Mamma Po said...

Ok, so I can't believe your parents (well, Mum) brought the topic up....

But 3 TIMES A WEEK??? Like, how old are your kids?!

3 x a month seems pretty good going for us at the moment!!!

To misquote When Harry Met Sally: 'I'd like what she's having!' Maybe we'll have to start watching Oprah...

Eliza said...

Three times a decade would be good going for me!!!!!!!!! love your blog :-)

Frog in the Field said...

MH you are hysterical!

Unknown said...

This had me cracking up!!!

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