Monday, 17 December 2007

Books I am planning to write

  • Puree your way to madness
  • How to make 7am a lie in
  • Make food fun - fill it with sugar
  • Puddings - not a nutritional alternative
  • Top ten stress busting wines
  • Husband training in three easy steps: loo seat, air freshener, soap
  • Stains - removable if you bother
  • Disposable nappies save your marriage
  • Child rearing with dummies
  • Bribes through the ages vol 1: 0-6 months
  • Lose your mummy tummy in 50 years
  • Comfort eating - the sure fire way to happiness
  • Make yourself heard by shouting loudly
  • Pushy parent your way to a guaranteed pension
  • The Margaret Thatcher Way - doing it all on four hours sleep
  • Speed reading - better than no bed time story at all
  • Calpol + benylin = good night's sleep

1 comment:

John said...

(In empathy of the Millennium Housewife)
Love your blog by the way - very funny :)


I got a phone call from Fee.
Hi John, you know we’re selling the house?
Well, we’ve sold…and we’ve got nowhere to go.
Don’t tell me – you wanna come and stay?
Oh are you sure? I didn’t want to ask but as you’ve offered, I thought me & Si could go in your double bedroom with Brad in the cot and Scott could have the single room, if you could move your stuff out?
You’ve got it all planned then?
Oh…It won’t be for long, we’re house hunting this weekend.

Four months on…….they’re still here and it’s less than a week before Christmas.

I used to have an immaculate four bedroom detached house.
Now I lodge in a one bedroom studio flat.
A plant and fresh flowers have appeared in the kitchen. Cleaning detergents fill the cupboards. Sterilisers and bottles are lined across the top.
The dining room’s now a playroom. You can’t walk in it without tripping over Thomas Tank or Postman Pat and landing head first in a dirty nappy.
I should explain, I’m a single, forty year old male who likes the quiet life and overnight I’ve been thrown into a world of tantrums, play fighting and food throwing.

I’ve been told that I’m quite enjoying it.