Friday, 28 December 2007

Christmas Day

Firstly I'd like to thank everybody who bought our children a noisy present, or one full of sugar. Cheers. The two work remarkably well together I must say, the cure for narcolepsy must surely lie here like a coiled spring waiting to be unleashed. Isla is at this moment on her third jelly Santa (how many ways can sweet companies dress up gelatin and chemicals? I'm waiting for the Jesus on a crucifix one)and running around the house with her new CD player/karaoke machine turned up loudly like a teenager with a ghetto blaster. She's three. Jack can't run around, being seven months, but he is sitting on the play mat rediscovering his multicoloured toys with awe, drooling unnecessarily, leading me to believe he may possibly have been fed one of Isla's Santas. Other than that it really is acid and I have some questions to ask.
Christmas day saw the arrival of our third child, Barbie. She's proving to be the most expensive of our children demanding both of practical everyday necessities and tropical island paradise experiences. So far Husband and I have furnished her with: A horse (complete with moving legs and a life like neigh), a fully fitted bedroom, a dressing table and accompanying monkey, five new outfits, a fairy castle and (though we feel she's a little young) a boyfriend. It seems though that Barbie is never satisfied, and despite all these 'welcome to your new home gifts' she's also after the Malibu mansion. Well she'll have to wait until her birthday.
Barbie is an uncomfortable bed fellow, at best the companion that Isla seems unable to find in Jack, at worst everything that Isla yearns and aspires to be. Why oh why can't Barbie be a lawyer? Struggling with her weight? Flat chested? Have a girlfriend? Anything but this insipid blonde bombshell who admittedly has everything in life including the car and who says (and I quote) 'Let's see what we can do to be glamorous.' I'll never compete. Why should Isla listen to me when Barbie is obviously on the right track? How else did she get everything her heart desires? Obviously glamour is the way to go, if that's what it takes to get the mansion then glamour it is.
I'm planning to market a new doll: Sarah, the flat chested, overweight lawyer (possibly lesbian but it's never clear) who has a great personality, is interesting (I quote 'let's see what we can do to change the World today') and above all shuns worldly goods for the more satisfying carbon neutral option of living in a commune. Sarah requires very little to be happy in life, saves money diligently, pays her own way and above all listens to her mother. I'm not sure what Isla will make of her new companion next Christmas, but she'll make a much cheaper daughter.

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