Monday, 22 February 2010

How Did That Happen?

It appears I may have started to get old, not old as in stooped and hunched and best friends with the commode but the growing up kind of old. First my best friend's little sister went and rather selfishly turned thirty, reminding me that I must be way over that, and now she's gone and gotten engaged. Engaged! To a real person and everything. She's even having a hen night, one to which I've been invited. I was quite chuffed actually, who wouldn't be? Until she let it be known that they thought a few oldies would help keep everyone in line during the drinking games. Drinking games? Surely she's too young?
Last time I saw her she was even discussing kids, much to my horror, I reminded her that she was expected to keep chaste until her wedding night, just as I and Husband had done. The fact that Isla was born three months after our wedding was a small aberration, Isla was one of those quick growing babies, My Mother was dead impressed, she even called the local paper.
Anyway, secondly, I went to my younger brother's leaving do on Saturday night, he's moving to LA with absolutely no thought as to where I'm going to find a replacement Younger Brother (the position is up for grabs if any of you want to apply, must babysit/wash regularly/be more inhibited when discussing his admittedly impressive love life, if I'm going to hire a new one we might as well go for some improvements).
This party was one of those all dayer things: lunch followed by drinking through until closing then attempting to bribe the barman on bended knees for a lock in (if any police officers are reading this, he said no). Obviously because I am now a Grown Up I couldn't go until the evening due to having Responsibilities. I'd missed lunch but sensibly ate a large carbohydrate dinner just before leaving, we wouldn't like to be drunk in front of the babysitter would we? I then proceeded to drink my body weight in wine (some things qualify as Grown Up even if it doesn't sound too mature) and chatter and laugh in a seemly and discreet manner.
It was about this time that I had my big growing up realisation. You see, I went to the toilet and there was no toilet paper. The old, immature, more drunken me would have yelled into the next cubicle to see if the other toilet user had any, the kindly user would then pass some under the door and we'd have a little drunken bonding session about tissue and pubs (you read that right) and all manner of interesting things. We'd then both exit our toilets and smile in an embarrassed manner because we knew we'd heard the other one wee and now we didn't know what to say to each other. But it would have been fun, and an interesting diversion.
But I was denied all this because I had a little packet of tissues in my handbag, you know, just in case. And that's when it hit me, I'm a grown up, a sensible, tissue carrying, proper contraception using, wine sipping, non shot gulping, going to a best friend's little sister's hen night as an oldie, grown up. Dammit. There's only one more place for me to go before the grave now, I get to turn into My Mother.

32 comments:

muummmmeeeeee...... said...

The grave v turning into my mother, the grave v turning into my mother...gee that's a tough one...

Glowstars said...

I am so screwed (and yes, I'm one last step from having completely turned into my mother)

Nova said...

Gulp!! Scary....( not your mother ) getting old....feeling it too! ;0(

geraldgee said...

Thank God you girls haven't turned into your fathers.

Mud in the City said...

Not only do I have tissues in my handbag, but I also have a tiny wee sewing kit. Just In Case.

There, I've admitted it, not even my mother is that old!

Trish @ Mum's Gone to... said...

My mother is incorrigible and therefore I am looking forward to turning into her: in fact I think I already have!
(had forgotten how great your posts are so am following them now so I don't miss out!)

Suburban Princess said...

Oh dear...I have reached this stage too - tho I keep trying to deny it!

nappy valley girl said...

Tee hee. I've been in the same situation but only had a packet of baby wipes....yuck.

Heather said...

Frightening, isn't it? I keep swearing I wont turn into her but I feel that inevitably, i probably will.

5thsister said...

Oh dear God, NO! Say it ain't so! That means I've been my mother for ages and didn't even know it!

Eva Gallant said...

I turned into my mother years ago. Now I'm really depressed!

Sara said...

I always like to hear what other women consider as mile markers of aging. So tissues in the purse qualify, huh? Well. Ya never considered doing the shake and figuring the "LBL" catcher would take care of the issue? Okay, just me that has issues with walking, sneezing and peeing my pants. :D ;) Great post! Sounds like a great get-together.

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Watch out MH, you will be carrying a tea towel around with you soon, just like your mum, to sit on in other people's houses in case they are not quite clean enough.
I have decided after a night out recently that I am old and prefer nights in. Wearing jammies. Eating chocolate and watching My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
Great post x

Brit in Bosnia / Fraught Mummy said...

I like an early night and my pyjamas and regularly go to sleep in front of the TV. I have tissues, sewing kit, emergency toys and am so totally a grown up that it is depressing. I can't even get really pissed any more as all I can think about is how horrendus it is to look after children on a hangover. Weep weep, wailing and gnashing of teeth. x

Robert said...

Wrong. You've got two places to go before the grave. !. Turn into your mother 2. Turn into your grandmother!

Unless you die early, of course ;0)

Expat mum said...

Gawd - you're making me feel very old. I had to switch to a bigger handbag this morning when I took one child to the hospital with a broken wrist (long story). I had a book for each of us, a small bottle of water each, TWO packets of tissues, spray hand sanitiser, I-Phone, make-up bag (why?) and huge purse. I should have switched to a wheelbarrow!

Footballers Knees said...

Ah yes, but you know you've really become old when the packet of tissues you have in your bag are patterned with Kath Kidston printed flowers. Then you really HAVE turned into someone's mother!

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This is brilliantly written and stated.

I loved it... I realized around 38 ish that *gasp* I was a grown up and worked like one too...it was horrifying until I realized that the perks for it were greater than any I had imagined.

g

Kelloggsville said...

But your mother has only just turned over her sex manual to you. Come on, her life definitely isn't all bad, even with knees like hers!! Or was the knee problem the father's?!! excuse me for not recalling all your parents sex life details. Either way - they are at least having fun, gives you something to look forward to!!!!!!! and anyway I always carry tissue around just in case, I'm not old - I'm a Guider (it's innate)!!!!

PhotoPuddle said...

I am all those things you've mentioned in the last paragraph! Oh dear.

And after reading Footballers Knees' comment now I want Kath Kidson tissues!

It's a Mummys Life said...

I know I'm old because frankly the idea of a hen night makes me want for the hills. Just can't do it these days and still get up at 5am with the toddler. I also carry tissues, and put lipstick on in public - something I only ever saw mothers and teachers doing.

hausfrau said...

I turned into my mother years ago, but then she's turned into hers, so there must be a way to go yet!

manicmum said...

Youth is overrated (or wasted on the young? Oscar Wilde, I think.) All that binge-drinking and career angst and stuff. I mean, we got retirement to look forward to! Feel better? XX

Clare Wassermann said...

I know I've grown up as I have a little pot of hand gel in my bag, big knickers and a vest on. But hey grown up is comfy and hygenic isn't it? By the way say bye and good luck to your little bro from me!

Diney said...

I know I'm getting grown up now as my son is getting married in May!!!! I don't know how it happened so quickly but he's all grown up. Luckily I still have my 10 year old to keep me from wearing a purple hat and droopy tights!!! I'm a new follower by the way! :)

More than Just a Mother said...

But isn't it better to be grown up and carry tissues, than still young and drip-drying?

Paradise Lost In Translation said...

What I want to know is how will y0u know when you've turned into your mother? & will u wantanyon eto tell you if you have? No I thought not.....

Life with Kaishon said...

What a fun post!
I loved the ending.
I hope you have lots of applications for the little brother job! : )

Christa Terry said...

Noooo, I'll be dragged kicking and screaming into adulthood. Sure, we own a house and have a baby and have left our 20s behind, but we're still young and cool and and...

...tired. But I blame the baby. When she's not a baby anymore, we'll bounce right back.

Michelle said...

OH MY! That was terribly funny!

It's a Mummys Life said...

Hello me again just letting you know there's an award for you at mine x

Jodie said...

I am a fellow "tissue carrier" this same revelation hit me in a toilet cubicle on New Year's Eve. I firstly congratulated myself for carrying the tissues followed by the thought that yes, I actually must be a grown up now...scary stuff!