Saturday, 29 May 2010

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • What are you doing?
  • Right now
  • What were you doing just then?
  • I know you're putting your pants on
  • But they're inside out
  • Oh you know already
  • Right
  • Well
  • Err
  • Why?
  • Why are you putting your pants on inside out?
  • What do you mean you've worn the other side?
  • What other side?
  • The inside bit?
  • You mean you've worn those already?
  • Three days?
  • And now you're turning them inside out
  • To wear the clean side
  • I am not grateful
  • No I should not be
  • I really don't need you to save me washing
  • Because I'd rather you wore clean pants every day
  • It's not bad for your health
  • I don't care what Pokey, Stu or Bucket Head say
  • I'm really not interested
  • What competition?
  • With Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head?
  • A pant competition?
  • Well just tell them you lost
  • Because you have a wife
  • Who has a nose
  • Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head only have each other
  • Well I don't feel sorry for them
  • No they can't come tonight
  • I'm very sorry if they're starved of female company
  • There's probably a good reason for that
  • I'm sure they do say a lot of nice things about me
  • And praise my lasagne
  • But that's because it's the only non takeaway meal they've ever eaten
  • Well you'll just have to un invite them
  • What important job?
  • Me?
  • No
  • I won't do it
  • I'm not judging the pant competition
  • Or washing the winner's pants
  • Well you shouldn't have told them I would
  • I know I'm the only woman in their lives
  • Perhaps if they changed their pants more often they'd find someone
  • What do you mean they tried that?
  • One week?
  • Well of course it didn't work
  • I think it'll take a bit longer than a week
  • And perhaps a toothbrush

17 comments:

AnyEdge said...

This made very little sense to me until I recalled that 'pants' is Anglo-saxon for 'underwear'.

Aimee said...

ahhhhh thanks, it makes more sense now. so "knickers" is just female underwear, then?

5thsister said...

Oh dear! That is just way too funny! I pictured your husband literally wearing his slacks inside out! Thank you to AnyEdge for enlightening me that "pants" = briefs! Made it even funnier!!!! Bwaa ha ha ha ha!

5thsister said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelloggsville said...

this would be hilarious if if wasn't quite so close to home!!

MuddynoSugar said...

Brilliant, I think you need to sit Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head down and talk to them about why they have no lady friends.....! Similarly, you need to remind your husband how lucky he is to have you. I mean, really lucky.

Maddie Grigg said...

Ugh, surely those pants could take themselves off and walk to the washig machine. Or bin.

Working Mum said...

Gross. But very funny. As long as I don't have to live with it.

Mud in the City said...

Brilliant. Just the laugh I needed! I have a friend who's husband and his mates have a lime green 'mankini' that they've vowed to each wear on their stag night, before handing it (unwashed of course) to the next one to get married. They've decided it cannot be washed until they're all married.... I think they might get on rather well with Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head!

nappy valley girl said...

When I first met my husband, he thought it was fine to wear a pair of pants for 3 days...I have him well trained now though.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

This cracked me up...

I find that sometimes not only are men odd they do odd and irregular things...LOL!

Nota Bene said...

First you wear them the right way round, then the next day the wrong way round then inside out, the fourth day inside out wrong way round, then next day you start all over again...according to weary travellers...

muummmmeeeeee...... said...

Hilarious! Just off to the laundry basket to count the husband's pants...don't want him turning into your husband!

brainella said...

LOL. Perhaps HE should wash them for Pokey, Stu and Bucket Head!

Expat mum said...

Oh great - so they never grow out if it then?

Melissa (@adventuroo) said...

Hilarious! And I've gotta say ewwww to judging the pants competition. Wonder if they ever found a taker for that!

Scar said...

HOW have I only just found this blog?! You're hilarious! There is now coffee up my nose. Thank you.