Monday, 6 October 2008

Things I Have said To A Waiter Today

  • Could I have the chicken and avocado sandwich without the chicken?
  • The same sandwich but without the chicken
  • If you could just take the chicken out
  • I know it comes with chicken but I don't want it
  • Just forget to put the chicken in
  • It might be on the chef's sandwich list but he could just pretend to forget couldn't he?
  • OK, I'll have an avocado salad sandwich
  • I know it's not on the menu, it's the chicken and avocado without the chicken
  • I don't mind paying for the chicken as long as it's not in the sandwich
  • Couldn't you just give the chicken to someone else?
  • It's not unhygienic, I didn't mean serve me the chicken, let me remove it then put it in someone else's sandwich
  • Could you just ask the chef?
  • What do you mean there isn't a button for it on the till?
  • Just press chicken and avocado sandwich
  • I know you're going to forget the chicken but I'm happy to pay for the whole sandwich
  • So the chef only reads the computer print out?
  • Can't you go downstairs and tell the chef in person?
  • Why won't health and safety let you walk down the stairs?
  • How does the chef get down?
  • Special rubber shoes, oh OK.
  • You got me there.
  • So you can only press chicken and avocado on the till and there's absolutely no way of telling the chef to forget the chicken?
  • Could you phone him?
  • No
  • Just no?
  • Oh
  • Well then could I see the manager?
  • You are the manager.
  • Well then I'll just have a cheese and pickle sandwich.


Nota Bene said... that a cheesze and pickle sandwich without the cheese? :-)

Irene said...

I guess that just meant that you had to take the chicken out yourself. What a wasteful society we really live in.

blogthatmama said...

Don't you like chicken then?

Anonymous said...

You can't fight that sort of logic!

ADDY said...

You kind of chickened out of having that first sandwich, didn't you!

John said...

This is definitely in the "how dare you ask me to make a decision" category. You'd think that a challenge would come as a welcome change. Great stuff as always.

cheshire wife said...

Thank you for visting my blog.

I sometimes wonder if computerisation is progress. Hope you enjoyed your sandwich when you finally got it.

Sally Townsend said...

Lovely, you couldn't make that up could you !! I'm sitting here with a smile on my face :)

Mutter said...

Don't you just love these "service-oriented, customer-is-king" type establishments where flexibility applies to the spatula but not the staff? Great stuff.
Thanks for the intro to WIHK btw. I loved that. I know her really well in fact, sort of inside out...

Millennium Housewife said...

NB. I didn't dare...

Irene, we do indeed, getting a bit better though

Mama, not so much

Mud, it was worth a go...

Rosiero, lol!

Earnest, I quite agree, challenges are what keeps us ticking (unless you wear a pace maker)

CW, delicious, thanks!

SC, ooh good! Love to make people smile

WIHK, oops...

Clare Wassermann said...

Thanks for your lovely comments about my blog - yours was extremely remeniscent - I recently had to ask a waiter in France if his mother would serve an omelette like that? Can you believe it was microwaved!!!!! He said they were rushed. I have just checked and it takes longer to microwave an omelette than cook a fresh one.
Britain, let's face it, takes the biscuit though...or won't take the biscuit off the coffee saucer at all on the other hand...

Anonymous said...

This is reminiscent of what happens whenever I ask for a burger without the bun. Sigh.

Mom/Mum said...

Brilliant! I'm amazed after that exchange you weren't put right off your food!

Tim Atkinson said...

Surely the last line should read 'well, I'll just go somewherer else then?'

A Mum said...

completely brilliant and hilarious as ever. i love your lists. i wish my fridge was adorned with lists like yours. and not dull things like ''ariel, oil, loo paper and bowser of water so we can flush eternal loo paper down the frigging loo ..." there's an award for you at mine. you already have it. so now you've got it again xx

Bush Mummy said...

No... that didn't really happen???? Go on with you...


BM x

TheOnlineStylist said...

How crap is that? I went to lunch with my cousin and her little boy in John Lewis and she wanted a kiddies stir fry portion cos she would be eating a hot meall agin later on. Once they knew it was for her they refused to sell it! How stupid is that. Next time she'll lie anyway!

Millennium Housewife said...

Yarnie, see never trust those pesky French!

GPM a what??

MM, Millennium Housewife has never yet to this day been put off her food

TD, You'd think wouldn't you?

Memsahib, thankyou, I'm really touched

BM, I leave that to you

TG, We could start a club. badges and all

A Confused Take That Fan said...

I can't believe you stayed and ordered cheese and pickle, I think I'd have taken my business elsewhere!
Rubber shoes for stairs? It's amazing all non croc wearers have survived this dangerous world we live in..

Frog in the Field said...

Would you like to come into Greggs with me?
you are very, very funny.

Millennium Housewife said...

Confused, ah, nor can I now.

Froggy, yes please!!

Laura Brown said...

I just order what I want and take out the mushrooms or whatever I don't want. I don't know why you went through all of that for something so simple.

Millennium Housewife said...

Laura, please place tongue firmly in cheek when reading this blog!

Carolyn said...

This really gave me a giggle. I just love your one-sided conversations. Truly funny.

(And thanks for stopping by my photoblog. It's nice to have supporters even when I'm being such a lame blogger and hardly posting or commenting any more!)

N2ATIVEONE said...

I had to laugh. I have had the same response from a Chinese restaurant when I try to order the Broccoli Beef, no Broccoli! They really don't like to mix things up, do they? In your instance, it should have been so simple, just put the chicken on the side! Funny read.

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious!