Monday, 2 November 2009

Things I Have Said To My Husband Today

  • It's salmon
  • Salmon
  • Fish
  • You do like fish
  • You do
  • Well you like it from the fish and chip shop
  • That is fish
  • Cod is fish
  • Well why do they call it a fish and chip shop?
  • It's not just an old fashioned name
  • It's called fish and chips because that's what they serve
  • So you believe me?
  • That cod is a fish?
  • So you like fish
  • Well then you like salmon
  • What's wrong with pink fish?
  • It's not a bit girly
  • Pretend it's cod dyed pink
  • Thankyou, now eat it up
  • If you play with it it'll get cold
  • And I can see you hiding it under the cabbage
  • And behind the broccoli
  • I'm not stupid
  • Or blind
  • Look just try one mouthful and if you don't like it leave it
  • Great
  • Pretending to gag is so mature
  • Please stop gagging
  • And holding your throat
  • And gesturing to the toilet
  • And attempting to dial 999

Things I Have Said To The 999 Operator Today

  • Oh hello
  • I'm so so sorry
  • It was a mistake
  • No not the children
  • Or the dog
  • Well, my Husband
  • He doesn't like his fish
  • Salmon
  • I'm glad you sympathise
  • Oh, with him, I see
  • No he's not ill
  • Err
  • Well I suppose he is gagging
  • But he's pretending
  • Yes I'm sure
  • Because he does this every time I give him peas
  • And porridge
  • And sometimes if my Mother comes over
  • Yes he is quite dramatic
  • Yes I suppose he could go on the stage
  • Oh sorry
  • Is that better?
  • I just had to leave the room
  • All the gagging was stopping me hearing you
  • No he's in the toilet
  • Gagging and pretending to throw up
  • Yes he will stop in a bit
  • When I give him some ice cream
  • I'd better get it hadn't I
  • Sorry again for wasting your time
  • Yes, I agree no more salmon

36 comments:

Sara said...

LOL Love the dialogue! Surprisingly, I love bass, but if it is fresh bass, I will gag. It tastes like pond. I swear.

the little red hen said...

This was so funny. I could hear it in my head.

Lora said...

salmon is the worst of the worst!
there is no pretending it's something else. my husband tells me to try it over and over so I do and I gag.

Eva Gallant said...

I recently had salmon fish and chips in Washington state and it did not taste like your run-of-the-mill fish and chips. Not so much.

Fiona said...

I love the way I can totally hear the other side of the conversations here in my head. BTW, my husband feels the same way about salmon - men, huh!

That one girl said...

I freakin' love these!

Gorilla Bananas said...

Wouldn't it be kinder to give a poor fellow a shopping list?

Gin said...

I had been going through withdraw waiting for one of these! Thank you! As hilarious as ever!!!

Kelloggsville said...

brilliant - first out loud laugh of the day - thank you
x

AnyEdge said...

Excellent, excellent. When you do your book deal, announce it, will you, and put 'Millenium Housewife' on the cover?

Mark and Kathryn said...

Wow - is that for real? Stopping by from SITS! Fun blog - I love salmon and eat it a lot!

~Kathryn

Mary said...

LOL funny! Sounds like me and my hubs sometimes.

Stopping by from SITS roll call to visit and say hello!

kanishk said...

here is no pretending it's something else. my husband tells me to try it over and over so Work From Home

Ice Queen said...

I love one sided conversations. If it makes you feel better, I love salmon. Haha

S3XinthePantry said...

can I come over... I'll bring him fish and chips if I can have his salmon!

rosiero said...

I love reading these. My husband hates fish too, except for fish-and-chip-shop cod, and always moans there are too many bones in it. He is guaranteed to have a mouthful of fishbones even in the most filleted piece of fish! :(

Tooting Squared said...

Fantastic! I laughed out loud at "it's not a bit girly"!! I can hear most men I know saying that!!

5thsister said...

This was a riot! Thanks for the chuckle today. My hubby knows better than to decline what I put in front of him. Especially if I follow his self imposed dietary restrictions: He won't eat cow, pig or lamb. Fowl and fish are okay. Go figure.

Erin M. said...

Another salmon lover here (sorry!). These dialogues are so funny and I really enjoy reading them. I've often thought of trying to do one myself, but I don't think I'd be nearly as good at it.

Clare Wassermann said...

Oh yeah my husband is the same with tomato. What's more apparently I verified that with kinesiology once when i was drunk so now I can't even say 'just hold your nose and eat it" in case he dies.

A Lawyer Mom's Musings said...

Girly fish? That's a new one on me!

Potty Mummy said...

Fab - as ever.

Kim@EnjoyTheRIde said...

Thank you for cheering up my miserable Tuesday

siobhan said...

I read a lot of blogs, not many of them make me laugh out loud. You really are funny

Stephanie Faris said...

Hilarious! You cracked me up. I'm not much of a fish eater, either. My stepdad makes dinner once a week and always cooks fish. My mom (who lunches with me every day at work) always says, "We need to eat a big lunch today because tonight is fish night." She hates fish.

Mud in the City said...

Hello - I'm back! And about to email you. Thanks for a laugh - I need it coming back to winter!

nappy valley girl said...

That brightened up my morning.

Try sushi next time :-)

Jen said...

Me? I like salmon. Hubby? not so much. Soy sauce makes it tolerable for him...Now fish and chips? That I could go for right now.

Nota Bene said...

Are you sure that is your husband you are talking to??? Wild Salmon only...the farmed stuff is awful...so if you bought that you're very naughty...

Expat mum said...

OMG I have tears rolling down my legs!

tammy said...

Oh my goodness....that's like dealing with a picky child!! Too, too funny!!! (I personally like salmon) ;o)

Sheryl said...

That is just too funny......

Thanks fro stopping by and for the encouragement. I don't like my body right now and I need to be thankful for the health and strength God has given me.

Working on that mountain.

McVal said...

LOL! Love your lists! So... you robbed the cradle when you married him, huh?
:)
Thanks for stopping by my blog yesterday! Please come back again!

Rebel Mother said...

Oh, how I laughed. First read of the day and you put a smile on my face!

PS. Your blog is looking scrumptious, like a delicious sweetie.

Love RMxx

Fruitful Vine2 said...

LOL! You had me laughing. Thanks for bringing laughter to my early Tuesday morning. After spending time with God, laughter is a great way to start the day. Thanks again.

I'm glad I stopped here via SITS. Enjoy the rest of your day.

J. said...

I love these! It makes me wish I could come up with such great dialogs and then remember them for the blog.

You make me laugh.

xoxo,

j.